You TOO Can Wear Carrie Bradshaw's Sex And The City Vivienne Westwood Wedding Dress

Like OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH my GOD, you guys! After we finish sipping our Cosmos and talking about how we LOOOOVE to bang dudes the way DUDES like to bang chicks, and then we TOOOOOTally flip out shoes and like, go to restaurants we can mysteriously afford even though we have fake jobs, THEN you can go watch me try on fictitious person Carrie Bradshaw's almost-actual wedding dress that she wore in the Sex And The City movie. (Before Big left her at the altar, right? I didn't actually see the movie, but with all the of second-coming-of-Christ-like ballyhoo over it, I managed to pick up on the fact that Big left Carrie standing there. Spoiler!)

If you live in Charlotte, North Carolina and pop into Hayden Olivia and have, say, a Charlotte York bank account, the Vivienne Westwood Gold Label Lily dress can be YOURS, peaches, for the TOTALLY reasonable sum of $15,000! So you too CAN DRESS JUST LIKE CARRIE BRADSHAW (not a real person!) on your wedding day! You don't even have to THINK about what you as your own actual thinking, blinking person might like! Just quickly refer to the LEAST original, MOST cliched idea of a bride EVAR, call your bank and ask for an extension on your line of credit, and SHAMWOW! It's like you're ACTUALLY CARRIE!

Watch this lady try not to shit herself over the honor of carrying the Carrie dress at her bridal salon. (Also, what you can't see is that the lady's like subtly fingerbanging herself in this video because it is just THAT awesome that the shop is carrying the Carrie dress. So awesome that she can't keep her hands out of her pants. I mean seriously, she's beaming like she fucking just cured cancer.)

... Or, save yourself like $9,000, and get it on Net-a-Porter.com.

While I do DESPISE Sex And The City (except for some of the clothes) and its absurd cultish followings and the cliches it inforces -- cliches that, sadly, a lot of people believe in -- I have nothing against Vivienne Westwood, God knows. This dress is stunning. It's just the idea of DRESSING like Carrie Bradshaw on your effing WEDDING day that gives me the simultaneous Hebrew Jeebies and sad face. Come on, ladies. You can do better than this! Like, instead of being CARRIE BRADSHAW on your wedding day, you could... I don't know... BE YOURSELF!? (Yay?) Also, Cosmos are super disgusting and really really out. DO NOT order them. Ever. Don't even make them in the privacy of your own home. Let Cosmos GO. They're done. 'Kay night night!