Five Of The Ugliest Shoes I've Seen In Ages

Horbs shoes, in no particular order. Because does ugly really need an order?

($720, Dolce & Gabbana, Luisaviaroma.com)

Sure The Elton John Museum is aware of the recent robbery that took place there...

($1324, Christian Louboutin, Luisaviaroma.com)

Nope. Sorry. You either get to be a boat shoe OR a stiletto, but not both. (Sorry, Fergie.)

($1306, Valentino, Luisaviaroma.com)

It's bad enough that Bea Arthur recently passed away. Did Valentino really have to DEFACE the Golden Girls' beloved couch on top of it?

($595, Pucci, Net-a-porter.com)

These could actually be cute if... no wait. They could never be cute.

($41, Costumes4less.com)

Six and a half inches of faux wood and weep.

Footwear Friday

Okay, here's a Freaky Friday Fun Fact: I really don't like ice cream much. Something about the salt content and how all that soda makes me crave gallons of water for a freaking fortnight. But what I DO like is cone heels. So, let's begin, shall wes?

Ahhh the Lanvin cone heel -- the daddy mack of them all. J'adore! They're not easy to get your hands on, but I did find a pair of the blue ones, and if you're a size 40, you're in luck.

($567, Lanvin, Marissacollections.com)

Sure, they're totally unwalkable, but if you're spending that kinda cash on heels, you probably can afford cabs. There are also a handful of pairs on eBay.

($278, Hugo, Zappos)

A gorgeous alternative to Lanvin, and they're patent leather too! Two trends for half the price of one!

($75, Na Na, Piperlime)

These are gorgeous -- and gorgeously priced -- in black too, but the olive is really unique.

($125, Vince Camuto, Piperlime)

The snakeskin, peep toe and chunky heel combine to make this shoe a sexy stunner.

($398, Tapeet, Zappos)

Another great chunky-heeled version in a metallic.

($28, Delicious, Lulusfashionlounge.com)

Simple, sexy, super affordable = sold.

($17.99, eBay)

Really can't argue with the price here.

($175, Report, Piperlime)

Simply beautiful.

($171, Fornarina, Zappos)

I'm not too into snakeskin, but I could certainly make an exception for these.

($138, daniblack, Zappos)

And I could absolutely make an exception for these...

($201, Via Spiga, Zappos)

Love the cut of these. They're sorta '80s rich-girl prepster in the best possible way.

($72, Pink Studio, Lulusfashionlounge)

How can you even tolerate how cute the polka dos are? Normally rosy tan and light blue is so vomitoriously kountry kitchen, but it works so perfectly here. A great work shoe.

($185, Miss Sixty)

I could probably do a week's worth of posts on Oxfords alone, but these are also great work wear.

($442, Costume National, Zappos)

As are these. Ultimate power bitch banker heel. Woo!

($89, Thom Browne)

And her opposite, the fun-lovin' hippie kid sister who comes to visit for the weekend and leaves crumbs everywhere.

($171, Fornarina, Zappos)

Fun and festive.

($25, Abate For Payless)

My Lord I love high-end/low-rent collabos!


... And finally... my two faves...

($175, Report Signature, Piperlime)

Oh yes. Yes yes yes. Oh yes indeed.


... And...

($625, Pucci, Net-a-porter.com)

Possibly the most best shoes ever in the universe and history of all shoes forever and ever amen.