See-Through Stylestalker Skater Dress? Sure. Why Not?

($233, Stylestalker, Asos.com)

Dear Mom,

Camp is great. You were right! I ended up making friends. I'll be ready to come home once summer's over I think though.

I have to tell you something though. I decided to start wearing see-through dresses (with a bra, of course). I won't wear it to Hebrew school, but everywhere else is fair game.

Love,

Your Daughter

PS: Send shaving cream and shoelaces.

Jessica Szohr Stole My Dress!

Jessica Szohr, take OFF my dress and give it back to me THIS INSTANT. Jessica has a habit of stealing clothes from me, you see? Seriously, HOW adorable is this alice + olivia by Stacey Bendet striped "Emmie" dress?

($368, Aliceandolivia.com)

I love how it's styled like vintage Barbie:

Furthermore, I like how it would go with MY ENTIRE WARDROBE! The shoe options alone!

($150, Topshop)

This dress is crying out -- nay, WEEPING -- for a pair of suede bow pumps!

I Bought It: Miu Miu-Alike French Connection Dandy Voile Dress

French Connection

I've been in the market for some slightly more professional dresses -- I work in online content for MTV, so this is pretty professional in my realm. I don't exactly need a Chanel suit or whatever (though Chanel, if you're reading this and have some kind of blogger suit program, I'd be happy to wear one to work and watch people's WTH faces). Also, I've been scratching a LOT of impulse buy itches lately, and this French Connection dress was one them. I was at Bloomingdale's, and this pretty much leaped up into my arms like a lost puppy looking for a home. It practically licked my face. Annoyingly, I paid $148 for it (very unlike to me to whip out one and a half Benjamins, but again, this poor dress, it needed a home -- also, I don't carry "Benjamins." I don't think I've ever seen a real 100-dollar bill in my life except maybe in mafia movies... I really need richer friends) and then I saw it on French Connection online for half that, but it was sold out, so whatever. It fit perfectly, despite the fact that it was about 128 sizes larger than the three sizes I might normally wear. (Looks like I'm not the only one who finds that French Connection likes to size up.)

Anyway, as much as I love Mad Men-style everything (duh -- I'm in my '30s and live in Brooklyn. It's a given), there's a time and a place to dress like Joan Holloway, and a time and place to be not costumey. So while the pleated, nipped-waist style feels retro, the ruffled sleeves keep this from looking like you're swilling a Manhattan and vying for Don Draper's attention. It's like Mad Men meets Gaga.

Oh, and the print kinda references Miu Miu, no?

($1094, Miu Miu, Mytheresa.com)

Hmm. Maybe I did get a good deal after all.

I Left Behind This Eskell Dress And I'm Gilt-Free

I LOVE Gilt. And Rue La La. And Ideeli. But that's the problem. I love them. And sometimes when you love something you need to take a little break. And so it was with no lack of Herculean effort that I stepped AWAY from the monitor, after I'd added this adorable silk Eskell Lucine dress with a yin/yang confetti print AND drawstring waist (I LOVE a drawstring waist -- SO flattering on a curvy lady like myself) and I closed out my screen. Sad, I know. (Plus, I should've been a more conscientious shopper and removed it from my cart -- sorry!) But we're not out of this economic crisis, and I need to start demonstrating more of the financial responsibility I had... at some point or another. Mama gotta start living off the fat of the land for a while. The fat of the land being the trillions of things I already own, of course.

($99, Eskell, Giltgroupe.com)

And so, goodbye, Eskell dress! I hardly knew ye! Take it away, Nazareth!

Mara Hoffman Is Killing Me Softly

... Case in point:

($290, Mara Hoffman, Bonadrag.com)

This J. Crew Dress Is Taking Over My Life

IMPORTANT UPDATE: I tried this on and it SUCKED. I looked like some kind of neon and peach monk. Not at all flattering on a short, curvy chick. Guess that's why they had it on a professional dancer in the catalog. Oh well.

($350, J. Crew)

I have thought about this J. Crew "Delphinia" dress approximately 8,44,583 times a minute today, causing my personal productivity to come to a screeching... nay, SLAMMING halt! I have a wedding in Hawaii next month. Therefore I think I may need to pull the trigger.

Forget Paris...

I'll take this little trompe l'oeil ballerina print dress with a PRINT OF A DRESS on it instead. I love a self-referential dress.

($59, Oasis, Asos.com)

Plus, do you know what 59 American dollars will buy you in France? Not a fucking thing mon ami. Not a fucking thing.

Issa? Why? No Really. Why?

($341, Issa, Forward-Forward.com)

Because a nautical flag is not a dress.

Why Aren't I Wearing This: Presh & Pretty Once Upon A Time Heart Dress

Okay, even though I LOVE embroidering stuff, for I am a grammaw, I often think embroidered clothing can be kinda lame on adults. HOWEVER, I am lifting my embroidery ban for this super presh Once Upon A Time blue dress with a little black heart and arrows stitched on.

($167, Once Upon A Time, Farfetch.com)

In kind of the same way that the Comme des Garçons Play heart is just a little cute, this little embroidered heart is sweet but not too sugary.

Dear Preen Printed Dress: Why Do You Cost $1,195?

($1,195, Preen, BlueandCream.com)

Frowny fashion face. Pretty, pretty, pretty Preen dress. You're so out of my reach with your perfectly wide straps and fun layers and great graphic prints. Sigh. Here are some kinda-sorta black-and-white print dress lookalikes:

($484, Diane Von Furstenberg, Matchesfashion.com)

($78, Topshop)

(Apprx $60 USD, Missselfridge.com)

($250, Topshop.com)

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Harlequin Porn Convention...

($678, Interlude, eDressme.com)

I lived out an entire menstrual cycle's worth of emotions when I first looked at this hideous mess of a sequined mermaid dress. Eventually, I settled on "depression."

Ashish LUST + Sequined Boyfriend Blazers For A SONG

WHY aren't I wearing this one-shoulder NEON animal print Ashish dress RIGHT THIS MINUTE AS I BLOG THIS... instead of this 532-year-old polyester/rayon robe someone brought my mom back from China. That's not a racialist comment. It's just from China and it's made of really uncomfortable polyblend.

($895, Ashish, Net-a-porter.com)

Oh yeah. I guess I'm not wearing it because it's $895.

OhBTW, speaking of Ashish, I LOVE this Ashish black sequined boyfriend blazer (best friend blazer!), but it's $1020, and HI! The one I got at Fred Flare is $84. So I just saved you $936 (not including tax.) You're WELCOME.

L: $84, Fred Flare; R: $1020, Ashish

Completely Batshit Manoush Dress!

($591, Manoush, Farfetch.com)

Dude, this organiza/ leopard print/ crotchet-flower-collared Manoush dress is KILLING me with its overt insanity. I mean, it's like watching someone get a pie to the face, slip on a banana and somehow end up upright, coasting on a skateboard behind a parade float. THAT's how many things are going on here. It's like Anne Bancroft and Twiggy had a hardcore power struggle and paradoxically both and neither won. And really, how often can you say that?

(Credit: Bob Willouby/ LA Times)

Power Dressing, Phillip Lim Style

Dude. DUDE. Duuuuuude. Seriously? BURY me in this 3.1 Phillip Lim pink silk dress.

($625, 3.1 Phillip Lim, Lagarconne.com)

+ History of power dressing.
+ Jessica Alba power dresses in Lanvin.

Mad Men Style: BE BETTY DRAPER!

Um, hi. Remember Betty Draper's AMAZING aquamarine jacquard Grace Kelly dress from two episodes ago?

($350, Rebecca Taylor, eDressme.com)

BOOM. Rebecca Taylor's blue-gold sweetheart party dress. YOU'RE WELCOME.

Frock Yeah: Alice + Olivia's Perfect Sequin Party Frock

($495, Alice + Olivia, Singer22.com)

I've spent far too much time this week indulging my sequined-frock fantasies, and this Alice + Olivia keyhole-back sequin number is like the Don Draper of sequined dresses as far as fantasies go, no? It's costly, to be sure, but it's so so so many dresses in one -- rough-n-tumble skinny sad punk, as illustrated above, blazer on top for a daytime look, or as it should be -- slicked-back hair, dark lips, almost no jewelry, black tights, black booties or patent heels for holiday fun. Done.

YES, PLEASE, WANT! Cheap Monday Night Sweater Dress

($99, Cheap Monday, Karmaloop.com)

Cheap Monday's eerie, Egyptian-inspired sweater dress is what I NEED to be wearing right now. Someone with $99 to donate to my cause, make this happen. (Note: my cause is THAT I NEED TO BE WEARING THIS CHEAP MONDAY DRESS. kthx.)

Gorj Manoush Pink Minidress -- Proceeds Benefit Breast Cancer Charity

Okay, can I say a bitchy thing real quick? I can because it's my blog! Okay, I think the breast cancer awareness pink product bandwagon is a little overly full. I am fully not trying to take away anyone who's had breast cancer or anyone trying to do their part to raise money or awareness. I mean, if you wanna put on a pair of pink socks and that makes you feel like you're doing your part, then, so be it. But my point is the breast cancer month pink products thing is slightly overboard. Though obviously any money raised toward breast cancer -- or any disease -- research is a good thing.

Anyway, that said, after seeing pitches for like everything short of breast cancer month Kleenex, flipflops, shoehorns, and pingpong balls, oh yeah, and the pink PedEgg (VOMMMMMMMMMMITTTTTTTT) I saw an amazing pink dress by Manoush.

($320, Manoush, eDressme.com)

10% of the price of this Manoush dress, as well as the rest of eDressme's pink dresses, benefit breast cancer research.

I shit you not.

Hello, Moto!

It took almost till the last day of September, but I've finally given up the summer ghost. That little spate of Indian summer was nice, to be sure, but as of yesterday, I've told myself no more open-toed shoes. Sweaters. Tights. BOOOOOOOOOOTS!!!!! And this means shopping. Hooo boy, do I love shopping. Here's what I picked up on two separate, very quick shopping stops yesterday. Shopping at its most efficient!


First, this awesome, faux-leather moto jacket from H&M. It has that washed/crinkly effect and I daresay it's quite good-quality faux leather.


It looks hot on, will go with lots of stuff in my closet, and was $49.99. SOLD!


Also scored at H&M (one of the last three remaining) was this great blousy print dress. It has a tiger on it.


ROWR! It was $29.99. SOLD!

That was my lunch break. After work, I was headed to a happy-hour party in Williamsburg. On the way, I stopped in to Mini Minimarket. There I found the following awesomeness:


Blowfish "Willis" booties, $83 at Zappos. I've never been a big ankle boot person, as I think in general you need to have skinny-minnie legs to pull them off, but these worked on me for some reason. I think. I love the wide opening and the chunky heel and the overall shape, and the bonus-fun purple interior.


I had a moment where I thought, Maybe I should look around, see what other ankle boots are out there, if ankle boots are indeed an option for me, and then I thought, No. These are obviously the booties for me. SOLD!


I also bought a pair of skinny jeans, partly to tuck into the ankle boots and party just because Levi's fit me really well and are really well priced. I think I got these Levi's Superlow 524 Poetic Skinny jeans, $32, in the "dark sky" wash.

And then I got some Hue tights in dark indigo and medium gray. I just hope I'll be able to pack them into my already overstuffed tights drawer.

Bring it, autumn!

This Alexander Wang Stud Print Dress Is Making Me Sad

($968.78, Alexander Wang, Brownsfashion)

... Sad because we'll never be together, and because the print reminds of me SO many things I hold so dearly to my heart -- studs, crossword puzzles, and online Tetris knock-off games, such as Bejeweled. Ugh. We were so meant to be together, this Alexander Wang dress and me.

Great. Now I have that Jewel song stuck in my head.

Jewel - New Music - More Music Videos