On Clogs, Or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love My Inner Lesbian (Sort Of)

I remember being in San Francisco a couple years ago and being quietly horrified at the ubiquity of clogs there. These supremely ugly, clunky shoes were being worn by actual pretty women. To me they seem like the Doc Martens of today, but for hippieish yuppies instead of punks. You know: vaguely subversive in their mannishness, but can look cute with a skirt on the right person. I have always hated them.

But recently I was in Target, and I fear something must be wrong with me, like I have caught fashion rabies or something, because I tried on a pair of (gasp) clogs, and (horror of horrors!) I actually liked them. They felt like I was slipping my feet into a loving, cushy space between couch cushions. Amazing, actually. I wasn't quite sure about the versatility of this shoe, and also I am a bit worried about becoming one of those sensible-shoe Brooklyn girls, and so I held fast to my $22.99. But are these -- high-heeled I must add! -- clogs perhaps maybe an acceptable purchase? What could I wear them with? Please advise. Cherokee Betsie wedge clog.

I also recently heard a very pregnant woman at work extolling the virtues of her Clarks clogs, which she nevertheless changed out of once she got to work, I believe. Hers looked nicely beaten up, very basic,and pretty great with a longish white skirt. They had the same shape as these, but without all the detailing:



Clarks "Troy" clogs, $88.95.

But we can't get too bingey on this subject, because I still abhor most clogs. But here's a totally fantastic version I want to get right now:



It's the Via Spiga "Awin" clog, $169. I suppose it's not a coinkydink that it's not so much on the clogginess....



Michael Kors, too, does some good actual clogs (usually with sheepskin) as well as decidedly noncloggy clogs, such as these "Sun" clogs, $178.95. Want!



Irregular Choice gets their crazy on, as usual. Low Cloggie, ridiculous at any price, but especially for $173.95.



Fuck. I sort of love clogs now. Just look at the cuteness of these Frye ones! I want 'em! Look at the fuzzy lining! Frye Ella buckle clog, $119.95.



I also must admit to a sheepish love of the Dr. Scholl's cardigan clogs, $61.95.

I got sort of bingey there, didn't I? Sheeeeit. Well just, for the love of God, do not let me catch sight of you in these:



Dansko hand-painted clog, a travesty at $219.95. (I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your eyes there.)

Finally, I leave you with this, a cat in a pair of (apparently giant) clogs in Amsterdam.