Freakin' Fugly Footwear

Three painful picks for this Monday eve:

($98, Jeffrey Campbell, Urban Outfitters)

Appropriately enough, the color of this shoe is "Whiskey." Jeffrey Campbell truly must've imbibed when he designed ONE shoe with a cinch toe, cut outs, laces AND WTF ever that bridge to madness is above the toe.

($59, Steve Madden)

Clowny McModsquad.

($499, Chanel, eBay)

But wait! They're Chanel. BUT WAIT! They're FUCKING WRETCHED! Are these like punk-dominatrix snow boots or something? You can be into S&M OR you can wear winter gear, but you don't get to be both at once.


The redeemer:

($286, Salvador Sapena, Asos.com)

Thank you, Salvador Sapena. You've answered correctly. You may be seated.