My Trip To The Mall + Mary-Kate Olsen's Orange Wayfarers

A few weekends ago, I traveled down to my half-hometown of Virginia Beach. While down there, I stopped into Lynnhaven Mall with my sister, who wanted to check out the new Wii games. (My parents and I got her a Wii for Chanukkah and her birthday because we are collectively awesome.)

First of all, I must congratulate Lynnhaven Mall on doing an excellent job keeping up with the forward-march of time and integrating itself seamlessly into the 21st century. (For excellent stories and photos of abandoned malls, check out one of my favorite blogs, Labelscar, which tracks malls into their obsolescence, which is nostalgic and creepy and fascinating to me.)

Anyway, mid-mall, Easter Bunny photos were in full effect (some things never change -- as long as there are suburban shopping malls, there will be opportunities to sit on the laps of the Easter Bunny and/or Santa for an overpriced photo), and while we considered doing the stupid high-school-level ironic photo, we opted for an even more juvenile approach: standing in front of the Easter Bunny photo area and aiming for a photo. (Again, some things never change.)

The half-assed result, featuring my sister:

This all leads me to the fact that Lynnhaven Mall has a For Love 21, brought to you by the makers of Forever 21, except it's accessories-only, like a Claire's or Icing or whatever store you're probably a bit too old to shop at but you do anyway, like me.

So, I popped in and picked up these fun orange wayfarer-style sunglasses:

($5.80, Forever 21)

And then, lo and behold, who should I see traipsing and tramping about gay Paree but little ol' Mary-Kate Olsen herself, wearing a startling similar pair of orange sunnies!

(Credit: JustJared.com)

Ugh. If I had a Euro for every time MK tried to waste my flavor!

Apparently hers are Benjamin Eyewear (more on that at FabSugar), by Benjamin Montoya, whose new line was featured in FOMK (friend of Mary-Kate) Jenni Kayne's S/S '08 Fashion Week show in New York and can run you up to $500, so looks like I saved a cool $494.50! How you like me now?

Should you indulge in a pair of Benjamins, might I suggest these great pair of clear ones, named after Jenni Kayne. They'll set you back about three and a half Benjamins:

($325, Benjamin, LeeLeeLunettes.com)

More cute retro sunglasses:

($85, Sabre Vision, AntiApparel.com)

More of my wayfarer obsession:
+ Love Lily Allen's
+ Love Sienna Miller's
+ No love Paris Hilton's

A VEHEMENT NO! To Mary-Kate's Lennon Glasses! An ADAMANT YES to Lily Allen's Wayfarers!

(Photo via Hollywoodrag.com)

PLEASE, whatever you do, do NOT take a cue from Mary-Kate (Olsen, that is, NOT to be confused with Mary-Kate HOPKINSON!) and go out and buy yourself some Lennon glasses, like the ones she's shown here wearing at Sundance. (And holla at Binger JP -- Chicago JP for those of you keeping track -- for standing next to Ashley. And yes, I realize how lame that just sounded -- shouting out someone for merely STANDING in the presence of someone whose claim to fame was appearing on Full House, but whatever.) And do you really want to be seen in the same sunglasses as Howard Stern? They're detestable. In fact, I think they're probably my least favorite fashion accessory EVER. Not even if you smoke an eighth of wizard a day should you let that be an excuse to wear these terrible things. Truly, it'd be more advisable to stare directly into the sun and burn out your retinas. At least that way, you could blame your lack of taste on your blindness.


A far far far better celeb choice: the always-adorbs Lily Allen's green Chanel wayfarers:

(Photo via: Breesays)

Lily wears these bad boys EVERYwhere, and why? Because she is a teensy, precious little bad ass. And because they rule. Admittedly, the multi-colored Chanel branding makes them a bit tacky and too dear, but fortunately, knock-offs abound!

($9.50, Delias)

I almost bought these the other day, but then I realized the S/H was a bit wack. But I'll probably still get 'em. (Let's be honest.)

($12.50, OC Shades, Amazon)

So fun in pink -- they'd look great with a black trench. Like an international yet STYLISH woman of mystery!

($18.99, Amazon)

Amazon seller Vintage Designer Sunglasses may not have employed maje creativity in naming their shop, but their goods are on point, with all kindsa vintage wayfarers in non-played colors like bold matte yellow, lilac and dark green. Noice!

($10, FredFlare)

Always-cuters standby Fred Flare has lots for just $10. Check out the ones in mint. Weeeee!

Mary-Kate's Yellow Louboutins

(Photo via Fashionsite.blogspot.com)

In the newest issue of Nylon, Mary-Kate is wearing a pair of Christian Louboutins that probably weigh more than she does. All the more reason I should have them instead -- she could HURT herself!

My attempts to ID the Louboutins has so far been fruitless. Here's as close as I came:

($650, Christian Louboutin, Net-a-porter.com)

Close, but no cigar as "they" say.

($27, Amazon)

Wah. Even less of a cigar. Anyway, if anyone knows what the Louboutins that MK is wearing are called, please lemme know. If only to assuage my curiosity.

Also, and oddly, I've never had this problem before, but I've HEARD that people sometimes refer to their Louboutins as "Loubs." PLEASE don't. It sounds sort of like an infection.

Seventh On Sale: Fashion Dos & Don'ts Galores

Okay, I don't see what the BFD is about Seventh On Sale. I'm glad it's for a good cause, (100% of the eBay proceeds go to HIV/ AIDS charities, and you can't argue with that... unless you're George Bush or something) but it's basically a black tie flea market. Mainly, I'm confused about what happened to my invite -- it must've gotten lost in the mail. Harumph! Oh well. There's always next year. Til then, let's talk about the abundant fashion mortses, and a few gems too.

While I do agree with one Popsugar commenter, who referred to MK's Giambattista Valli white frock as a "Huggies" dress (tee!), I LOVE the fun, much-ballyhooed hot-pink stilettos (also Giambattista Valli) Mary-Kate wore. The dress is, as most anything she wears over a size 3T, humungo on her, the shoes work. And considering some of the batshit-nuts get-ups she often wears, this is seriously tame. And yes, they're an impractical 18 inches tall or something, but doesn't she have someone she pays to carry her? Observe the look in this less scowly shot below. Yay! ... Now if only she'd get rid of that baby fat already! HOW WOODE!



Jessica Seinfeld also could've wrapped Mary-Kate around her waist for a "pop" of color!


Yes, it's bit flamenco-y, but Jennifer Connelly is spellbinding in Oscar de la Renta, and it fits her so well on top that she actually manages to stand out from the dress and not look like the dress is wearing her. Minus several points though for the Bert and Ernie brows.


Dita Von Teese continues to scare me. Am I supposed to care that she fucked Marilyn Manson?? She reminds me of a slutty Mona Lisa. And what's more, Eve appears to be growing out of the side of her Marchesa gown...


... While Blake Lively appears to be playing an invisible harp growing out of her head while doing an impression of Cher.


Kate Spade may be an arbiter of questionable accessories and often boring little handbags, but she's CLEARLY doing something right since she's a billionairess. She knows what's up, right? So why is she wearing metallic blue ankle straps with this purple pup-tent of a dress? And the belt looks like those tie-down thingies you use to hold down your Igloo cooler to the top of your Rav4. Perhaps she had to dash off to a camping benefit straight away!


Michael Stipe is flashing you. (I smell a LOL Cat in here!)


Can we PLEASE just stop humoring Parker Posey? Yes, she does a funny Southern accent and was hilarious as the Busy Bee lady and great as a creepy fake Jackie O. But she's clearly NUTTY! Just swap out her bag with the New York Times, and you've got suburban "Just Grabbin' The Paper" couture. Seriously, you should not sleep naked in a hotel, lest the fire alarm goes off in the middle of the night and you gotta bolt. Should that occur, you should definitely have a poly-sateen bathrobe on hand.


Okay. Beddy-bye time for Tams!