Here's The Next Thing I'll Agonize Over Until I Inevitably Break Down And Buy It

($129, Irregular Choice, Modcloth.com)

I should just go ahead and devote approximately 48 minutes of my Tuesday to allow the practical side of me to try to convince the part of me that lacks self-control to have a two-way conversation about why I shouldn't buy these Irregular Choice heels. Ultimately, practical me will be held hostage by my lack of self-control, who will commandeer my credit card, hit "buy," and set free within me a strange brew of chemicals and emotions, ranging from oxytocin to shame and regret... Which is all just a long-winded, round-about way of admitting that I'll probably buy these. I love a crystal heel, and I LOVE Irregular Choice. They're like Jeffrey Campbell on MDMA.

Sam Edelman's Spiked Lorissa Shoe Will Cut You

($209, Sam Edelman, Solestruck.com)

So, Sam Edelman's stud-covered Lorissa heels are hurting me real bad... in the real-good way. The kinda bad Fiona Apple meant when she was sloshing around in that hot tub back in 1997. That's it. Sam Edelman's studded heels = the Fiona Apple of footwear.

($209, Sam Edelman, Solestruck.com)

And the close-toed Yuma? Seriously? I'm 'bout it 'bout it.



(And PS: This is totally my all-time favorite karaoke song.)

I'd Get Along Famously With These Shoes

($549, Yotam Solomon, Stantonjames.com)

I can tell just by looking at these Yotam Solomon heels that we'd be a great match. A perfect fit. I love how architectural and slightly post-apocalyptic they feel. A little like a motorcycle boot had unprotected sex with a stiletto.

Yotam Solomon also has a collection inspired by the BP Oil Spill. Proceeds go to the clean-up.

Also love the Verre pump:

($679, Yotam Solomon, StantonJames.com)

They're SEVEN inches high, which is almost taller than me (almost), but I love the color combo. It's like an updated take on "Valley of the Dolls." They make me want to put them on and heat up the lasagna.

REVEALED: I Bought These Christian Louboutin Clou Noeud Spikes!

($1195, Christian Louboutin, Barneys)

Oops. I confused "I bought these" with "I'd look really amazing in these." Sorry. Won't happen again.

Calvin Klein's Tamar Heels Are Obviously Named

($222.75, Calvin Klein, Bloomingdale's)

These Calvin Klein block heels are named "Tamar"!! Just like me! And they're on sale. I love sales! Aw Calvin. You really shouldn't have.

Alexander McQueen Patent Blue Leather Heels, Why Can't We Be Friends?

I could care less if electric cornflower blue is in the fall 2010 color palette or not. (It's not.) I NEED a pair of blue patent leather heels in my life. More purple than green, kay?

The perfect pair are obviously these Alexander McQueen heels with silver detailing on the heel.

($255.96, Alexander McQueen, Matches Fashion)

Oh yeah, and check out the Naag.com piece I did on EIGHT great blue nail polishes for fall! That's a different blue nail polish shade for every finger, plus two wild cards for your remaining two fingers (assuming/ hoping you have all 10).

Oh why oh why can't we be friends?

These Miu Miu's Metal Pumps Be Cray Cray

(Miu, Miu, Holt Renfrew)

The suede lilac verison of Miu Miu's Fall/ Winter 2010 metal floral heels are crazy good.

The black ones? A little crazy uh-oh/ slutty pilgrim.

($990, Miu Miu, Net-a-porter.com)

Senso's Pony Heels Are So Hot They Should Come With A Fire Extinguisher

($159.95, Senso, Solestruck.com)

It's hard to say which is stronger -- the preemptive guilt I'd experience buying these fur pony heels or the remorse I'd experience not buying them at all. #moralstruggle

They're by Australian brand Senso, and they're a hard-to-believe-they're-not-more-expensive $159 at the Solestruck, which is currently rebranding itself from "basic online shoe store" to a select, covet-worthy collection of "fun" (as opposed to "mom) brands like Jeffrey Campbell, All Black, Dolce Vita, and Rachel Comey. Basically, Solestruck incepted my mind while I was sleeping and set up a shop of all of my favorite affordable shoe brands. And pony fur heels.

Payless Is Just Kidding About These, Right?

I have nothing at all against Payless. Not one thing. They do some great stuff at obviously affordable prices. And I loved their Christian Siriano line as well as Abaete. You need that ONE pair of shoes to match that ONE dress you'll wear to someone's rehearsal dinner and then never wear again? BOOM. Payless. But everyone slips up and makes a mistake once in a while, right? Like, surely these hein-dog silver "hooded" wedges are just a mean joke. A prank, right?

($24.99, Fioni, Payless.com)

Remember, kids. Everyone makes mistakes!

I Bought It: Jeffrey Campbell Downtown Booties

While visiting my sister in Richmond this past weekend, I made my regularly scheduled trip to Need Supply Company, which is one of my favorite stores in all of Virginia.

Like Peter Gabriel, I was big time into this very '80s David David top:

($82, David David, Needsupply.com)

... Yet I'm in no place to plunk down $82 for a t-shirt, regardless of how loudly it was calling my name. And believe me, it was loud.

So I hit up their shoe selection, which has never disappointed. Even my notoriously picky husband found a cool pair. But of course, I was the one who pulled the trigger and fired a Binge bullet in the form of these Jeffrey Campbell "Downtown" platform booties in tie-dyed blue suede:

($49.99 Jeffrey Campbell, Needsupply.com)

They were on major rager sale, ringing up at just $49, down from $130. Yeah, me! Thanks, Need! And they look SIIIIIIICK on. In the strange parlance of Mariah Carey, they're totally hot tamale. If these heels were a video, they'd be Kings Of Leon's "Sex On Fire."

Freak nasty, right? Enjoy that AND a subsequent cold shower!

Kings Of Leon - New Music - More Music Videos

Potential ModCloth Binge

Oh ModCloth. You're like Urban Outfitters without the copyright infringements! So many cute offerings, so little dollars in my pants pockets.

Were I to gorge on ModCloth's cute stuff, here's what I'd add to my sadly empty basket:

($149.99, Miss L. Fire, ModCloth.com)

Almost nothing else on this oil-stained earth makes me happier than a pair of '80s heels. And detachable gem clips with bows (bows are SO big right now!) are just icing on the cake. And honestly, icing's always my favorite part. Seriously, when will someone just make an all-icing cake anyway?

($47.99, ModCloth.com)

Seriously, I HATE summer and shorts SO much that I just wear black jeans all summer and pray for a freak snow storm. This cuters black and yellow top is perfect exactly such a scenario.
And it doesn't look hugely tacky or cheap like sooo many tank tops. Am I the only one who's encountered that? What's up with super cheap-looking tanks? Bullshit!

($49.99, Industry, ModCloth.com)

LOVE this tank. Reminds me of the type of shit you used to be able to find on St. Marks before it basically turned into McDonald's.

($44.99, ModCloth.com)

A crafty take -- check out the raised threads in the stripes -- on Breton stripes! Plus, button shoulders? Oh, ModCloth. You're too good to us.

These Kork-Ease Wedges Are Doing It For Me

Kork-Ease had a big moment back in the '70s, when they were pretty much "That '70s Shoe," and they set everyone into a wedge tizzy. Now I'm in a bit of a tiz myself because, while I'm almost historically against a wedge, I'm big-time into these Kork-Ease "Elinor" chunky gladiator heels. I'm way into the wedge being '70s, while the pinky-peach leather is way more mod. And the distressed gold leather is such a nice I'm-bored-of-brown alternative for summer.

($154, Kork-Ease, Zappos.com)

The Self-Actualized Version Of Me Is Wearing These Rachel Comey Clogs

($403, Rachel Comey, Lagarconne.com)

The self-actualized me, the me who makes $10,000 more a year than this me and is living the Oprah Best-Life version of me that I should be living is wearing these super '70s Rachel Comey clogs. Meanwhile, the current version of me is just writing about them.

Also, oddly this me doesn't like clogs, but Self-Actualized Me apparently does!

Geox's Totally Transtracular Empire State Building Heels

Geox, the people who brought you, um, golf shoes, now bring you these batshittingly transtacular heels with an EMPIRE STATE BUILDING HEEL.

($230, Geox)

These are so '90s that they practically walked straight out of Pret A Porter.

If you read lots of blogs (late pass! I've been on my honeymoon!) then you already know that these Geox heels are part of the comfy shoe brand's Spring/ Summer line and launched to herald (har) the opening of Geox's new store on 34th Street.

They kind of have a bit of a Payless-drops-acid vibe to them, which is to say I would probably buy them on a whim if they were for sale at Payless for like $49, as opposed to $230, which is too much to spend on a joke. But I do like that they're basically the embodiment of one of my favorite Bee Gees songs, "Nights On Broadway."

PS: True story: When I was a kid, I used to think it was the Empire Strikes Back Building. Awww. I was such a cute kid. See?

Even at under 12 months, I was runnin' that awesome outfit game.

Fortunately I became an even cuter teen!
Nighty nite!

Diamond Ring

Never Enough NUDES!

I am so with Tamar on this insatiable need for cream-colored footwear. However, I could give two craps about classic simple pumps and need a little more embellishment. Like so:


Jeffrey Campbell bow-back heel, $128. THAT BOW!



Faryl Robinson Madison wedge, $228. I could see myself wearing these a LOT.



Jeffrey Campbell Buttons peep-toe pumps, $96. Cute as a...yeah.



Vivienne Westwood by Melissa Anglomania Lady Dragon Ball matte pump, $150. With the rubber-stamp! On the rubber shoe!

NEED, LIKE YESTERDAY: Beige Nude Heels. Now.

I CANNOT stop needing for beige heels for spring. Like so:

($80, BCBG, Zappos.com)

I love the simplicity here and the name: Cream Puff!

($83, rsvp, Zappos.com)

I have (unofficially) declared this the spring I go opentoe. But I kind of appreciate the aesthetic of an '80s-style monotone beige pump. I might make an exception for these though.

($304, Michael Kors, Zappos.com)

However, I'd absolutely make an exception for these excellent deconstructed beige and orange-toed heels. I mean, LOOK AT THEM.

($710, Vionnet, Net-a-porter.com)

These Vionnet beige leather heels are the Natalie Portman of footwear -- just plain perfect to look at, and also very expensive looking.

($476, Givenchy, Farfetch.com)

Clearly Givenchy's footwear design team has broken into my home, installed a secret camera in my bedroom, attached invisible electrodes to it, and monitored me sleeping to have created the shoe of my dreams. Obviously.

Object Of My Desire: Loeffler Randall Snakeskin Belinda Pump

($332, Loeffler Randall, Refinery29.com)

Are you KIDDING me? And I love how, from afar, they look like newsprint. But NOPE! NOT NEWSPRINT! SNAKESKIN! And a SNAKESKIN ROSETTE? Um, "LIKES THIS!"

Also, as much as I NO lovey U2, I DO love this song, which perfectly expresses my longing for the above Loeffler Randall heels.

Why Aren't I Wearing: These Two-Tone Fergie 'Amplify' Heels

I will full-on admit that I like Fergie. Well, I have a soft spot for her. She fully embraces her trannydom, she's always workin' on her fitness, she can do a cartwheel and sing at the same time, she once peed her pants in public and was like 'whatevs,' and her hair is usually fun.

Therefore, I'm NOT at all ashamed to be having thoughts about Fergie's "Amplify" heels. They're bold and transrageous, just like their namesake.

($59.99, Fergie, Piperlime.com)

($250, Current Elliott, Net-a-porter.com)

I'd wear them with these Current Elliott medium wash skinny jeans (if I owned them).

HOLY SHIT. ANN TAYLOR HAS STEPPED IT THE EFF UP IN THE MOST REAL WAY

Yesterday I had THE MOST vile experience ATTEMPTING to browse wedding rings at Michael C. Fina -- they barely acknowledged my presence. Maybe they're not in the habit of... selling... fine jewelry? To people willing to pay good money for fine jewelry??? Seriously? I had to ASK the woman behind the counter for help. And I was the ONLY PERSON IN THE STORE. Ew. Sure, I was wearing fuchsia leather fingerless gloves, so she perhaps assumed I was a drug addict or a thief or something (wrong on both counts). In actually, I interested in what they had for sale. Sorry, but my father and my fiance's father were both in sales, and you never know who you're turning down or turning away. (In this case, A PERSON WITH A BLOG! Who's not afraid to share her shitty experience with the reading public! Three other friends told me they had same experience trying to shop there. Since when do you need to "TRY" to shop??) So turn away, I did. But not before I noticed they had like the TACKIEST crap for sale near the door -- Ed Hardy-esque flame-lick cuff links and stuff. EW. I headed over to the diamond district, which, sure, can be sharky, but people actually TOOK their time to talk to me like they gave a shit as I attempted to look for a piece of jewelry that symbolizes my love and committment to my partner. So thank you, diamond district dudes, for giving a shit. And fuck you, lady who works at Michael C Fina, for not giving a shit. Because I'm trying to buy my WEDDING rings, so yes, I do give a shit.

SOOOOOO, long story longer, after that, I stopped into Ann Taylor because they had sparkly things in the window. AND OH MY GOD. Ann Taylor has SEEEEEEEEEEEERIOUSLY stepped it ALL the way the fuck up and gone from Grandma to Grand-NAW! Like, such an epic makeover it's like when Sandy goes from boring to whoring at the end of Grease. Except obviously neither Sandy nor Ann Taylor is/ are whores.

Okay, check out ALL of the super cute things I found at Ann Taylor online that I would wear in a single solitary heartbeat.

($65, AnnTaylor.com)

WHO among us would NOT wear this amazement chunky statement necklace? NOT I! I can tell you that much.

($120, AnnTaylor.com)

Um, I'm sorry, but ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I can no longer separate rational needs from irrational wants when confronted with this metallic jacquard leopard-print skirt, Ann!

($85, AnnTaylor.com)

Lately all I can think about is Glee and sequiny things. Unsurprisingly. This sequined tank top is as perfect as Puck.

($175, AnnTaylor.com)

ANN! WTF! I LOVE this grey slouchy boot! Seriously!? Jamaican me CRAZY!

($175, AnnTaylor.com)

Ann! It's cool, not tryin' to put a rush on you. I just wanna let you know that I got a crush on you.

($100, AnnTaylor.com)

ANN! It's like you CREPT into my closet and KNEW I have the BEST orange suede vintage jacket that this would complement PERFECTLY! GAH! Ann, it's like you know me better than I know myself. You devil, you!

Hi! A whole Chanel-inspired outfit! Bar jacket and all! I ADORE YOU, ANN!