Sam Edelman's Spiked Lorissa Shoe Will Cut You

($209, Sam Edelman, Solestruck.com)

So, Sam Edelman's stud-covered Lorissa heels are hurting me real bad... in the real-good way. The kinda bad Fiona Apple meant when she was sloshing around in that hot tub back in 1997. That's it. Sam Edelman's studded heels = the Fiona Apple of footwear.

($209, Sam Edelman, Solestruck.com)

And the close-toed Yuma? Seriously? I'm 'bout it 'bout it.



(And PS: This is totally my all-time favorite karaoke song.)

What's Up With These New Sam Edeleman Zachery Booties?

($225, Sam Edelman, Shoprobertson.com)

Apparently these Sam Edelman "Zachery" booties are the NBFT. I'm kinda into them/ kinda scared of them. Thoughts? Let us discuss! TO THE COMMENTS!

Okay, NOW Purple Has Definitely Gone Too Far

Yesterday's post (and today's purchase) notwithstanding, I feel pretty confident that these purple boots will NOT be purchased by me or anyone with a modicum of taste:



Charles Nolan "Kelsey" boots, $148. I am going to go on record and say that any type of ruffle at the top of a boot is unacceptable. Go ahead, contradict me! I bet you won't.




Chloé paneled shoe-boots, $895. A classic hot mess.




Philosophy di Alberta Ferretti ankle boots, 370 pounds. Where to start?




Marc Jacobs butterfly shoe-boots, $895. For Mariah Carey, NOT for you.




Steve Madden purple suede boots, $149.95. Again with the butterfly!




Georgina Goodman "Felix" ankle boot, $947.95. Who? Wha? How much?




Sam Edelman "Utah" boots, $199. We've already established the Binge's position on fringe, so this commentary should go without saying: no.




Jump "Bjork" boot, $128.95. Not sure which is more hurtful to my senses, Bjork's screeching or these monstrosities.




You by Crocs "Fabulous Fashionista" boots, $280. Still don't get Crocs' high-end line: A company that brought you $30 rubber shoes is trying to now sell me $300 boots? I don't think so.


And now, so that the last image I leave you with doesn't have you retching, here's a not-totally-hein pair of purps:



Aldo "Froling" booties, $130. Better yet: You can get 'em in gray.

Already, I Am Sick of Gladiator Sandals...

And it's barely even Spring!!! Seriously, unless you're actively involved in battling bears or guys who look like Russell Crowe, you do NOT need to encase you foot in a leather cage. Please. DON'T!

Some particularly egregious offenders:

($98, Jeffrey Campbell, Urban Outfitters)

If you're concerned that your cankle areas (for lack of a better term) are going to be chilly, MAYBE IT'S TOO COLD OUT FOR SANDALS! But you really truly do not get to do both.

($28, Urban Outfitters)

Dudes, fringe is not for shoes. Fringe is for jackets... no wait a second. Fringe is NOT FOR ANYONE outside of Branson (and I'm sure several of Branson's fine citizens don't even wear it). Don't ever wear fringe EVER. (One exception: you are Dolly Parton and/or 1967 Dennis Hopper.)

($57, Naughty Monkey, Karmaloop.com)
Seriously? What the shit??

($79, Nine West)

We get it. The American economy is in the shitter, so we're supposed to buy bright things to make us forget. I love bright things, but that's no reason to let the sandal equivalent of Bill Cosby's Coogi sweater creep up your foot.

($125, Urban Outfitters)

As if someone sent a perfectly okay jazz shoe through a paper shredder.

You get the point. So now, some lovely warm-weather footwear alternatives to the scourge of gladiators:

($48, Urban Oufitters)

Not my all-time favorites, but definitely not bad at all. At least there's no covered heel or ankle nonsense.

($105, Dolce Vita, Piperlime.com)

Perfectly reasonable, sweetly (note: not barfily) trendy metallic peep-toe that says "I'm a grown-up, and I'm perfectly mature about keeping MOST of my foot consistently -- not schizophrenically covered."

($105, Sam Edelman, Bloomingdale's)

Love both of these. (Very similar, cheaper ones here, BTW.) Wedge-y but not towering, which is more than I can say for these:

($29.50, Alloy.com)

Holy hell. Anyway, back to better spring shoes:

($175, Cole Haan, Bloomingdale's)

Rarely do I see white shoes I'd actually wear, but these are great (both versions!) all-purpose sping/ summer heeled sandals that completely do not suck or offend.

($365, Chie Mahara, Sodafine.com)

Sweet, sweet design. Sweet, sweet desire. It's like the Golden Gate Bridge found a happy home on your foot (minus the congestion and the jumpers.)

($375, Ralph Lauren, Bloomingdale's)

The price is a bit ridick for a bit of rope, and sure, they're a bit campy, but they're still fun in a WASPy sort of way. (And Ha'shem KNOWS I'm WASPY!) Though I'm not sure why you wouldn't just opt for Kinos -- Key West classics -- instead:

($11, KinoSandalFactory.com)

($11, KinoSandalFactory.com)


($41, Steve Madden)

It's not much, but it's right to the point and WORLDS better than the much-aligned flip-flop. HELP US HELP YOU!

Also, Steve Madden promo code:
$10 off: SML963BF1E (Not sure if this is a one-hitter or what.)

Finally, if sandals aren't your thing (and I get that), I like these ridiculous (and ridiculously priced!) Nikes:

($79, Nike, Alloy)

Do I offend???

Mad For Flannel (... Okay: And Plaid)

Sooooooo much cute plaid and flannel stuff, soooo little money... Let's start with...

ACCESSORIES

($485, 3.1 Phillip Lim, Refinery29.com)
So purdy, so 'spensif.



($24.50. Delias)

I know this is a knockoff of something (that I saw at Barney's Co-op), but for the life of me, I can't find it. Anyone know?

($28, CL By Laundry For KB, Lulusfashionlounge.com)
So effing cute!!



($226, Michael Kors, Zappos.com)
I know this is last season (OMG!), but I still like it.


($10.99, Old Navy)

I wouldn't personally carry this, but it's nice to know it exists for those of you who would.

($35, Fredala.com)

Little tartan travel wallet and eyeglass case! Necessary? No. Cute? Yes!

($110, Jaye Hersh, Shopintuition.com)

Back in October of 2006, Stylebubble previewed the Marc Jacobs for Louis Vuitton market bags and pointed out the mixed messages and metaphors inherent in such a design. Then, in February of 2007, Knittantics also was like WTF? I, late the party in March of 2007, hated on the LV bag. By May of 2007, Inmybag had had ENOUGH! But, I hadn't seen the the Jaye Hersh version until just now. (Like I said: late to the party). It's probably totes hypocritical of me, and I don't think it's funny to indirectly make fun of Chinese people, but I like the Jaye Hersh version, okay? I'll just tell myself that it's a backlash against the obnoxious Louis Vuitton commentary on Asians carrying around laundry bags. Um, or something. Sue me.

($68, Pink Studio, Lulusfashionlounge.com)
These are furking adorbs.

($89, Sam Edelman, Piperlime.com)

More predictable than the aforeblogged, but still cute.

GUYS!

($70, Special Blend, Zappos)

I really like the green plaid, so I will try to ignore the fact that this has built-in thumbholes. Sorry guys, that's all you get today.



COATS

($531, Ted Baker, Asos.com)

I could devote an entire blog to plaid coats, but instead, you get just ONE awesome one. This is gorgeous.


DRESSES/ TOPS/ TUNICS/ RELATED STUFF

($485, Marc By Marc Jacobs, Shopbop.com)
Want. Need. OMG.



($385, Loeffler Randall, Activeendeavors.com)

I usually feel like ruffles are a no-no for grown women, but Loeffler Randall can pretty much do no wrong in my book, so I'm making a special exception.

($198, Juicy Couture, Nordstrom)

Cute. You know.


($98, Free People, Nordstrom)

Still deciding if this is cute or not, leaning more toward not.

($29, Newport-news.com)

Is it fucked up that I bought something from Newport News? Oh well. It's cute. And why are you so judgmental anyway?

Bye Town!