REVEALED: I Bought These Christian Louboutin Clou Noeud Spikes!

($1195, Christian Louboutin, Barneys)

Oops. I confused "I bought these" with "I'd look really amazing in these." Sorry. Won't happen again.

Cutest Lil Ballet Flats For Your Wedding, No?

($119.50, Maloles, Barneys)

Fully wackadoo that these Beatrix Lace Maloles ballet flats were originally $340, but I can handle them at $119 for sher. Perfectly perfect for you ladies looking for flats for your special DAAAAAAAY. I love how they're sorta little-girl-cute, sorta Madonna.

SALE ALERT! Black Mason by Michelle Mason Silk Anorak

(Originally $520.00 -- SALE: $231.75, Mason By Michelle Mason, Barneys)

Shit's ill, son! Black silk asymmetrical jacket? It's tough but not too tough. The kinda black jacket that says "I'm a bad ass, but I still smell nice," you know? Like, you're the boss, but you still take time to floss. GET THIS. NOW.

Win A $2500 Barneys Shopping Spree!

To celebrate the '60s or something, Barneys has a sweepstakes happenin' right now -- enter for a chance to win $2500, which will buy you a t-shirt and belt! May the best ME win!

** And for a much more realistic shot at winning something, don't forget to enter to win Fashionbinge's Napoleon Perdis Angel Baby kit!

Anti Rubber Shoes

Touche, MK:

($165, Givenchy, Barneys)

These totally remind me of those little-kid sandals that come zip-tied together in the metal shelving units at dollar stores and have, like, some untrademarked, bastardized version of Thomas the Tank or Dora the Explorer, but it's like Timmy the Tank or Nora the Explorer.

Also available in white!

(And agreed: Epaulet is super cuters.)

Cute Spring Things + Rogan For Target

Springy things you should buy... some of which I have bought!

($115, Casch Copenhagen, ActiveEndeavors.com)

Sporty but femme but not SUPER boring either. Wee!

($69, Shoes for Lovely People, Modcloth.com)

If these Shoes For Lovely People flats from my beloved Mod Cloth aren't the absolute embodiment of spring, then I certain just do not know what is.

($34, Steve Madden)

Bought these Steve Madden "Skiip" cut out flats on super sale in-store the other day. Also got them in black. Since I'm vehemently opposed to flip-flops and most sandals, these will make a great alternative and a nice change of pace to when I get temporarily sick of ballet flats.

($40, Stila, Sephora)

True, the topic is SPRING products, and this is Stila's Summer Eye Shadow Palette, but I can't help getting ahead of myself when faced with the "Sun" shade -- the peachy one at the far right. NEED!!!

($11, I'm Your Present, Etsy)

Girlie-kitsch Etsy seller I'm Your Present always has the raddest shit ever, like these vintage unicorn earrings. And if they're all sold out, it's because I just bought this pair from her the other week, and they're even better in real life. So, sorry suckahs! But do check out her other stuff too.

($44.99, Rogan for Target)

Ooh, so I went to the Rogan for Target media event at Barney's the other night. Like the collaboration itself, it was... weird. I mean... it's Target stuff... at Barney's... (more on that weirdness at WWD), and aside from the few animal graphic t-shirts that looked like H&M fare
and other animal print stuff that I didn't love, there were some good, basic safari-style pieces, and some simple yet sophisticated bits, like the plaid linen jumper above. I didn't get that, but I did get the plaid linen top:

($26, Rogan for Target)

Oh, and I saw Gregory Rogan at the event. He was cute. Fashionindie has an interview with him. And I saw Waris Ahluwalia and Simon Doonan, who could fit in the above model's pocket. And Diane Kruger, who's very goddesslike, if she's your idea of a goddess. Some other famous, skinny, and famous and skinny people who I didn't recognize were there too.

The eco-friendly collection hits almost all Target stores May 18. Go stock up on the loose, highly layerable tanks, like so:

Brown Baggin' It

Lots of cute neutral earth toned bags -- totes, satchels, "saddlebags," if you will -- for el espring! And they're all under $200 ('cept for one).

($39, Lulu's)

There's a lot going on here, texture-wise, but it's all subtle, so it's all good. And peep the similar one in khaki (though it looks brown to me.)

($45, Lulu's)

Spacious, plus, polka dot lining! Tee!

($52, ShopSueyboutique.com)

A direct rip-off descendant of that Marc Jacobs bag. Fair enough.

($198, Hayden-Harnett, Winknyc.com)

A very smart-looking bag. Like, you could be carrying the OED, the DSM or US Weekly inside, and you'd look just as sophisticated regardless. OH! And an update on my second Hayden-Harnett experience: Seamless. (Har.) Delivered straight to my desk. No hassles. Mama go a brand-new bag!

($139, Seonie Parc, ModCloth.com)

I adore this belted bag. It's like what I would've worn to a late '70s/ early '80s British disco on Rodeo Night. Or something. Check out designer Seonie Parc's site for more colors. Also: Modcloth.com promo code: 20% off through this Friday (3/28), code "nerd."

($58, Old Navy)

A real leather shoulder bag from Old Navy? For $58? Seriously? They really are stepping that game up.

($151, Billy Bag, Asos.com)

The anti-Spring bag Spring bag.

($245, Kooba, Barneys)

Kooba's answer to green-chic: the limited-edition 100% organic cotton bag with recycled cork trim. Not cheap, but not pachouli-looking either. Available at Barney's.

Marc Jacobs Shoes: The Good, Bad & The Fugly

Seriously, why is Marc Jacobs stuff so schizophrenic? It's either gorgeous or atrocious.
First: I must say that I am enamored of these Marc Jacobs patent cone heel pumps:

($335, Marc by Marc Jacobs, Barneys Co-op)

They're slightly less salmon-y in real life, and they're just overall perfect.

($325, Marc Jacobs, Barneys Co-op)

Perfection!

($198, Marc By Marc Jacobs, Pinkmascara.com)

These are amazing. And my size too!


... But how does that explain these atrocities?

($300, Marc Jacobs, Barneys)

I hate criss-cross no matter what, but a criss-cross Mary Jane? So misguided.

($235, Marc Jacobs, Barneys)

The biggest crime of all! Asymmetrical slingback? Metallic? Jeweled heel! FOR SHAME, MARC JACOBS!

Dying For (Some But Not All) Daryl K Dresses

($352, Daryl K, Shopbop)

Probably because I'd see unloved, neglected pieces on the racks at Loehmann's and the like, I used to think of Daryl K as slightly skanky clubwear. But perhaps I think wrong (after all, this button-down couldn't be farther from slutty) because I LOVE this brown "paper bag" dress. This photo doesn't do it justice and only exacerbates its wet-look-ness. In person, it actually looks much classier and less shiny. It's extraordinarly soft too, but what really sold me is the amazing zipper trim. Okay, I will say that the cinched arms flatter absolutely no one, but I love the zipper trim so much I might almost overlook that. Well, what I guess I'm saying is that I love 75% of the dress. Though of COURSE, not with the boots.

I also love some of the dresses she's doing as part of her "Daryl K-189 & Co-Op" collaboration with Barneys Co-op. Check 'em out here.

I do, however, reserve the right to HATE this:

($780, Daryl K, Shopbop)

Um, $780 for a schmatte that looks like the scraps I used to practice sewing on? Um, no. This looks like 10 accidents.

Awesome J. Lindeberg Jacket For $99

Fellow flogger Daddy Likey's sick Members Only jacket thrift store score inspired me to find a couple strong-enough-for-a-man but totes-okay-for-the-ladies menswear-inspired looks of my own. But, like any New York savvy shopper worth her weight in coupons (either online or real: online in my case) will tell you, there's really NO such thing as a decent thrift store in Manhattan. So, this will have to suffice:

($99, J. Lindeberg, Tobi.com)

Not bad atall for gois or goils. The only thing I can't deal with, though, is this:


Um, I really don't need the convertible parachute-backpack-landing-gear option or what the fuck ever that is. Just the jacket please! Thanks!

($130, M Carter, Refinery29.com)

Lurve this wood-print hoodie. For boys OR for girlz!

($65, Beard & Bangs, Steven Alan)

Nabbed a pic of this great whiskey tee from Thrillist, who did a piece on Beard & Bangs, an indie label that, like Barking Irons, does lotsa Fin de siècle, swashbucklin-on-the-Bhowrie (before it turned into one big bank and condo complex) prints that evoke images of Stephen Crane novels and dirty men bashing the shit out of each other with ye olde broken bottles while women lift up their skirts to reveal yukky syphilis and other stuff The Decemberists like to sing about. Love that!

($350, Ritmo Mundo, Barneys)

Finally, I just really like these watches by Ritmo Mundo. The bright colors kinda remind me of Polo or Nautica stuff, which would normally send me running, but they work here. However, I'm actually not feeling the "Ritmo Mundo" name, and only because it brings up my own uncomfortable association with when Ricky Martin performed that "Cup Of Life" song at the World Cup or whatever how ever many years ago, and the performance featured those enormous wind-powered nylon dancing things, confetti, waaaay too many horns, and that awful "ale ale ale" arm-waving dance he did in sync with his ass, and how the Spanish-to-English translation was just so painful. But maybe that's just me.

RICKY MARTIN - THE CUP OF LIFE

S-Perfume: 100% Love? 100% Vile

So, tonight I stopped into Barneys Coop to find a birthday present for a friend's upcoming Very Big Birthday. While at the cash register, I noticed two different perfume testers: one was Frederic Malle's Outrageous, and the other was 100% Love by S-Perfume and Sophia Grojsman, available only at Barneys. I picked up what I thought was the former, sprayed it on my inner wrist, set it down and waited for it to dry, then noticed I'd accidentally sprayed the latter, 100% Love. While the girl was ringing up my purchase, I took a quick whiff of my wrist. Again, nothing. And then... I. Almost. Fucking. Died.

Now, I know I tend toward descriptive hyperbolics, but I almost never barf, and I am NOT exaggerating when I say that I immediately almost vomited and as I write this, even now, I continue to fight back the dry heaves.

Okay, lemme see if I can do justice to the foul malodor that befell me. You know that sickening sweet-and-sour smell that five-week-old milk has and how when you sniff it, it feels similar to an electric shock minus the high voltage? That's the sensation that passed through and over me when I sprayed that shit. Iller than all ills. On the train ride home, I kept hoping no one would see me surreptitiously stealing sniffs of my arm, even though people do and sniff far worse on trains. Part of me was afraid I looked a little nuts, but the other part of me was so taken aback by the heinous self-inflicted destruction seeping into my skin that I almost wanted to grab the stranger sitting next to me and ask them to smell it so I could be sure my nose was still working properly and I didn't all of a sudden have some kind of skewed wiring leading from my nose back up to my brain. I just had to keep smelling it because I was just in such disbelief. Seriously, packed 2nd Avenue F train platforms in the dead of August don't smell as bad as this shit does.

Anyway, at this point, my arm smelled like rotten milk, warm baby formula, undercurrents of stinky cheese, bold notes of urine and just a hint of fetid tangerines. I can only hope and PRAY that the tester bottle I picked up had, in fact, turned under all of those bright, hot Barneys lights, because nothing SHOULD smell like this on purpose -- certainly nothing one should be expected to pay for.

The fragrance is described as: "The pulpy erotic part of a secret red fruit, the rich, deep and velvety skin of a dark natural rose by L.M.R., a ray of green sap from the rose's thorn, a mystical "concoction" of incense and black cacao."

Reviews I've found describe earlier versions of the fragrance as sweet like candy and roses... uhhh... what? All I know is that I was afraid to walk into my home lest my cat sniff me and keel over.

I'm afraid of what I might need to remove this scent from my sad little arm, and I pray it doesn't involve gaoline or matches.