FINALLY! A BATHING SUIT WITH A HORSE ON IT!

($385, We Are Handsome, Net-a-Porter.com)

If you've been reading FashionBinge for at least a minute, you might know I have a "thing" about horses. I never rode horses, and I probably wouldn't, actually, as I'm almost as afraid of heights, speed, and falling (and with horseback riding comes the likelihood of all three) as I am those terrible sublimated dyed shirts. I certainly never owned a horse either. But I'm inexplicably drawn to miniature horses, horse accessories, and a well-timed, unforeseen appearance by a horse on an unsuspecting garment like a swimsuit. I mean COME ON. When did you last see a horse on a swimsuit, hm??

Besides the $385 price tag, the only bad thing I can possibly think of to say about this horse bathing suit by Australian brand We Are Handsome (the brand's name alone is killing me loudly), is that it'd probably make every other un-be-horsed article of clothing I own jealous not to have a horse gallantly galloping across it.

These Miu Miu's Metal Pumps Be Cray Cray

(Miu, Miu, Holt Renfrew)

The suede lilac verison of Miu Miu's Fall/ Winter 2010 metal floral heels are crazy good.

The black ones? A little crazy uh-oh/ slutty pilgrim.

($990, Miu Miu, Net-a-porter.com)

Prada's Cavallino Bowler Is Doing Wild Things To My Head

I don't know who I think I am, but apparently I'm the kind of person who somehow, suddenly looks at Prada bags. Generally I write off Prada bags a.) because I can't afford them, DUHR, and b.) because I associate them with those terrible nylon black backpacks which are just the worst. But somehow I'm all into the idea of Prada's leopard-print Cavallino bowler.

($3,100, Prada, NeimanMarcus.com)

Great, right? Too bad I enjoy "eating," and "having an apartment" and "not being wildly in debt."

Anyway, my obnoxious Prada leopard-print bag fantasies inspired a major animal-print binge, which netted the following:

($585, Hammitt, Searlenyc.com)

Studs with animal print can be a leeeettle cowboy, but this bag by LA brand Hammitt still kinda works.

($745, Stella McCartney, Net-a-porter.com)

The elusive zebra-colored leopard print! Score!

($564, Opening Ceremony, Asos.com)

Opening Ceremony! Why are you so good to us? (And also, why are you so expensive?)

($158, Sam Edelman, Nordstrom)

Sam Edelman's Katrice wedge FTW! So '70s it's sick!

($80, Topshop)

I love an adventurous outfit, but have these leopard-print harem pants crossed the line from adventurous to crazy? Like Real Housewives table-flipping levels of nuts? Also, as much as I wanna make harem pants "work," I'm becoming increasingly convinced that they barely even look good on models whose body types are "pencil."

($36, Walmart)

Finally, this IS FashionBinge, where we do love a good deal, so far it be from me to leave you without something affordable. I mean, this Walmart leopard-print bag isn't the absolute worst. I'd carry it to the gym. Seriously, just tell people it's vintage deadstock, and they'll be all "ooh!"

Heaven Is This Temperley London Studded Leather Jacket

If I had a one-day pass to heaven, I'm pretty sure this Temperely London Ava grey studded leather jacket would greet me at the pearly gates. For truly, something this gorgeous must've been heaven-sent.

($2150, Temperley London, Net-a-porter.com)

+ Video that encompasses the feelings I'm feeling for this jacket: "You Got It All" by The Jets.

The Jets - You Got It All @ Yahoo! Video

AVERT YOUR EYES: Versace Block Color Python Bag

I believe it was either Pete Seeger or King Solomon in the epic romantic thriller, Ecclesiastes, who said "there is a time to color block and a time to refrain from blocking color." Clearly Versace did not heed that advice. I present to you... this nasty shit:

Look, I LOVE "a lot," but this is just way too much of a lot. Get it at Net-a-porter.com. If you are a crazy person. (Via Purseblog.com)

NEED, LIKE YESTERDAY: Beige Nude Heels. Now.

I CANNOT stop needing for beige heels for spring. Like so:

($80, BCBG, Zappos.com)

I love the simplicity here and the name: Cream Puff!

($83, rsvp, Zappos.com)

I have (unofficially) declared this the spring I go opentoe. But I kind of appreciate the aesthetic of an '80s-style monotone beige pump. I might make an exception for these though.

($304, Michael Kors, Zappos.com)

However, I'd absolutely make an exception for these excellent deconstructed beige and orange-toed heels. I mean, LOOK AT THEM.

($710, Vionnet, Net-a-porter.com)

These Vionnet beige leather heels are the Natalie Portman of footwear -- just plain perfect to look at, and also very expensive looking.

($476, Givenchy, Farfetch.com)

Clearly Givenchy's footwear design team has broken into my home, installed a secret camera in my bedroom, attached invisible electrodes to it, and monitored me sleeping to have created the shoe of my dreams. Obviously.

Why Aren't I Wearing: These Two-Tone Fergie 'Amplify' Heels

I will full-on admit that I like Fergie. Well, I have a soft spot for her. She fully embraces her trannydom, she's always workin' on her fitness, she can do a cartwheel and sing at the same time, she once peed her pants in public and was like 'whatevs,' and her hair is usually fun.

Therefore, I'm NOT at all ashamed to be having thoughts about Fergie's "Amplify" heels. They're bold and transrageous, just like their namesake.

($59.99, Fergie, Piperlime.com)

($250, Current Elliott, Net-a-porter.com)

I'd wear them with these Current Elliott medium wash skinny jeans (if I owned them).

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like CARDIGAN WEATHER!

Actually, it's daaaayyyys past the beginning of cardigan weather, as I type this from inside my snow bunker in Brooklyn. Anyway, beyond sweet Marc By Marc Jacobs holiday cardi I wish I were wearing right now, in the BK snow bunker:

($260, Marc By Marc Jacobs, Net-a-porter.com)

Ashish LUST + Sequined Boyfriend Blazers For A SONG

WHY aren't I wearing this one-shoulder NEON animal print Ashish dress RIGHT THIS MINUTE AS I BLOG THIS... instead of this 532-year-old polyester/rayon robe someone brought my mom back from China. That's not a racialist comment. It's just from China and it's made of really uncomfortable polyblend.

($895, Ashish, Net-a-porter.com)

Oh yeah. I guess I'm not wearing it because it's $895.

OhBTW, speaking of Ashish, I LOVE this Ashish black sequined boyfriend blazer (best friend blazer!), but it's $1020, and HI! The one I got at Fred Flare is $84. So I just saved you $936 (not including tax.) You're WELCOME.

L: $84, Fred Flare; R: $1020, Ashish

Creepers' Revenge: See by Chloé's Studded Boots Creep Their Way Into My Heart

I know that in the past I've sternly admonished the resurrection of creepers, but these See By Chloe off-white studded boots have taken up residence in my heart and WILL NOT move out. Ugh. Thankfully their $495-pricetag precludes our long-term relationship.

($495, See By Chloe, Net-a-Porter.com)

Didn't buy these, obvs, but I'd wear them in a HOT second.

Know what I did buy though, to ease my craving?

($70, Yesstyle.com)

I got the white studded ones, for fear the black ones looked a little too pilgrimy, and because I have more black shoes and boots than even an unreasonable shoe-obsessed person should possess. Anyway, I was feelin on the Hendrix-y-ness of the off-white ones, and hence clicked "buy." This was my first purchase from Yesstyle.com, and I saved a fiver with promo code "Twitter5." Also, I was pleased to discover that the shipping is just $9.99, which isn't bad considering they ship from Hong Kong and guarantee a three-day ship. Noice! Some places down the street charge almost that and it takes like two weeks. WTF, right? Anyway, I'll report back!

Pointless Over-The-Top Desires: 3.1 Phillip Lim Sequined Jacket

($1,500, 3.1 Phillip Lim, Net-a-porter.com)

I could do without the black ribbon sleeves, but who's counting. Check out that gorgeous metal work on the front. Now I've got something to wear if I ever make it out to the Liberace Museum.

Bikini Binge! Two By Tara Matthews

... And of COURSE, one's a peacock bikini! Normally THIS many sequins would make me a bit queasy (exceptions made for sequin jackets though), but the colors are gorgeous. Aside from the fact that I'm more of a one-piece girl these days (errr... they're more elongating? That's it...), AND that I ain't seen the sandy side of a beach in a year, the $400 ticket deters, but it's still nice to looky.

($400, Tara Matthews, Net-a-porter.com)

I really like the cut of the bottoms too. Not skanksville at all.

($370, Tara Matthews, Net-a-Porter.com)

Also super cute. The birdies are kinda Esther Williams, but the bright turquoise is super now.

FashionBinge Demonstrates Fortitude: Mike & Chris Chapman Jacket

($745, Mike & Chris, Net-a-porter.com)

Wants versus needs, wants versus needs. I am demonstrating DISCIPLINE and FORTITUDE by not rationalizing how this Mike & Chris leather jacket is SUCH a good deal (even though it is) and how I work hard (because I do) and therefore DESERVE IT (because I DO!)... I'll just let it... sit there. And admire it from afar. Sigh.

+ Shop the Net-a-porter sale. Or don't. It's still depressingly overpriced.

Why, God, Why: Leather Leggings

($955, Les Chiffoniers, Net-a-porter.com)

I mean... They're leggings. And they're LEATHER. They're ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS. And they're SOLD OUT!?!?? During an economic FREE FALL? Fail on every level.

You So NEED A Sequined Jacket For Fall... TRUST.

The prospect of sequined blazers make me SO wish it were fall instead of almost summer. And when it comes to sequins, I like my sequined apparel like I like my Waffle House hash browns: smothered and covered. Seriously, go big, go hard, or go home. Because you know what looks cheap and shoddy? Like three or four sequins timidly schlocked onto a tank top. SNORE, and go ask your grandma about that. Because you know what looks BOWIE as fuck? A cropped, fitted jacket FUCKING COVERED in sequins. (And check Project Rungay for a comprehensive list of designers who welcomed back the sequin for Fall 2009.)

Anyway, while this sequined jacket from the Chanel 2009 Resort collection is, ostensibly, just beyond my reach:... like in every way imaginable...

This sequined Topshop jacket is the do run run...

($370, Topshop)

True, $370 is "a lot of money," but a sequined jacket is an investment in your fashion future, and I read the newspapers (sometimes), and now is the time to INVEST (right? isn't it?)

($755, Les Chiffoniers, Net-a-porter.com)

It's also half the price of this gold sequined Les Chiffoniers jacket, which is intense. I mean, if I had a spare $755 and was in the market for a gold sequined jacket, which I am, this would be it.

($795, Diane Von Furstenberg, Net-a-porter.com)

I do have to say, I am NOT feeling this DVF sequined jacket. It's way too long in that kind of uncomfortable way when a bad joke won't end and just keeps going and going... Also, it's kind of fugnasty. And I don't care if it was glorious on Whitney Port. WE are not Whitney Port. Let her KEEP it. Team Topshop!

PS:

($332, Adam, Net-a-porter.com)
Never.

Chloé High-Waisted Cotton Shorts: Really?

Are we really doing this? Not the high-waisted cotton shorts themselves. I really don't have a problem with those. I don't even have a problem with shorts. When it's 19392 degrees, shorts and sweat are gonna happen. And hopefully air conditioning. But I do have a problem with the fact that these cotton Chloe shorts are $1,635. Were they crafted by the paws of animated, singing little mice? And where in the world is the economic climate warm enough to afford luxuries such as $1,635 cotton shorts? Actually, $1,635 cotton shorts aren't a luxury... they're asinine.

($1,635, Chloe, Net-a-porter.com)
No.

... Meanwhile, back in Reality Ville, where I live and you do too probably, here are some viable alternatives to $1,635 cotton shorts.

($157, Wood Wood, FarFetch.com)

Well hello! Almost the exact same shorts for like a tenth of the price... or whatever you do in math class.

($198, Marc By Marc Jacobs, Bergdorf Goodman)

Super cute high-waisted shorts. I'd wear these on the regulado.

($22.80, Forever 21)

Thanks, Forever 21/ 30. Always there in a pinch.

Brian Atwood Atrocity

I usually really like Brian Atwood heels (and will admit to ALMOST ALWAYS thinking of RYAN Atwood from The O.C. [RIP]), but these are both EVERY color too many and every shade of wrong:

(Apprx $574 USD, Brian Atwood, Net-a-porter.com)

I'm counting the SECONDS until they show up on Mariah Carey's feet.

Sad panda.

Marni Suede Platform Slingbacks

($770, Marni, Net-a-porter.com)

Marni? Hey girl. Damn girl. You lookin' good as HELL with some fly-ass purple two-tone suede uppers and wood cone heel. DAMN girl. Call me.

One More Non-Traditional Bridal Dress: Lela Rose

Just found one more dress to go with my big, huge post of affordable and non-traditional wedding dress options:

($1595, Lela Rose, Net-a-porter.com)

+ More wedding dresses!

FashionBinge Goes To Kleinfeld And Goes Bridal, Which Begat The Say Yes To The Affordable Wedding Dress + Non-Traditional Dress Post

So, yesterday I went to Kleinfeld and tried on about 20 dresses. My sales woman, Patricia, was wonderful and not pushy and was so so helpful and listened when I said I didn't want a crazy princessy dress with 1000 miles of fabric shooting out behind me, and that I didn't want a ballerina princess pony unicorn dress or anything. And while they didn't carry the Jenny Packham dress I really love, she and Fashion Director Randy Fenoli were so great about trying to find dresses that looked similar to the Jenny Packham dress I love and listening to my prices concerns (and ultimately, it's fine that they don't have that Jenny Packham dress because it's $5,000. Next!)

Anyway, the stuff I saw at Kleinfeld was nice, but a lot of them felt nightgowny, as my friend put it, and even the one I really did like was really nice but just didn't feel right for me -- too Cinderella-ish. So, while the selection at Kleinfeld is beyond extensive (note: their dresses, as they'll tell you when you make an appointment, start at $1,800), it's not the place to go if you're looking for a non-traditional gown. It all sorta reiterated the fact that a traditional white/ off-white wedding dress just isn't for me.

So, later on, I checked out the evening dresses in the windows at Bloomingdale's and saw some awesome non-bridal/ bridal-for-me options. Then I went home and read Tickled Pink's post on wedding dresses on a budget and was inspired to start my search online at places like Nordstrom, Saks, Bloomingdale's and the like to find either bridaly or non-bridal dresses there. I found tons of great stuff by BCBG Max Azria and ABS dresses. Read on please, as they say on the makeup boards...

($248, Bloomingdale's)


($435, ABS, Bloomingdale's)

($438, BCBG Max Azria, Bloomingdale's)

Whatever I end up with, I want it to be very modern, so I really love this one!

($375, Coast, Bloomingdale's)


($2595, Templerley, Net-a-porter.com)


($3760, RM by Roland Moure, Net-a-porter.com)

($3400, Marc Jacobs, Bergdorf Goodman)

I know it's insane, but I've always had a little bit of a drag queen in me and would be fine with wearing a purple sequined dress down the aisle.

Anyway, ladies, if you're just embarking on the wedding dress search, have hope. There's cool stuff out there! Will keep you posted, of course.

xoxo,
FashionBinge