NEED, LIKE YESTERDAY: Beige Nude Heels. Now.

I CANNOT stop needing for beige heels for spring. Like so:

($80, BCBG, Zappos.com)

I love the simplicity here and the name: Cream Puff!

($83, rsvp, Zappos.com)

I have (unofficially) declared this the spring I go opentoe. But I kind of appreciate the aesthetic of an '80s-style monotone beige pump. I might make an exception for these though.

($304, Michael Kors, Zappos.com)

However, I'd absolutely make an exception for these excellent deconstructed beige and orange-toed heels. I mean, LOOK AT THEM.

($710, Vionnet, Net-a-porter.com)

These Vionnet beige leather heels are the Natalie Portman of footwear -- just plain perfect to look at, and also very expensive looking.

($476, Givenchy, Farfetch.com)

Clearly Givenchy's footwear design team has broken into my home, installed a secret camera in my bedroom, attached invisible electrodes to it, and monitored me sleeping to have created the shoe of my dreams. Obviously.

Two Words, Michael Kors:

Taste. Level.



KORS Michael Kors Slicker Lace-Up Rubber Boot, $295.

The Highs And Very Low Lows Of Cut-Out Heels

I'm truly not the biggest fan of cut-out shoes, especially when they're not sandals; the exception, however, would be Loeffler Randall's cut-out pumps, platforms, booties, and various iterations:

($575, Loeffler Randall, Active Endeavors)

These I can basically deal with. Loeffler Randall, they seem to know what they doing!

Therefore I was glad to see these far-more-affordable knock-knock-knock-offs at Victoria's Secret:

($150, Victoria's Secret)

At those prices, it's like two Loeffler Randalls for the price of one! And I really like the grey and black onesies. They're like the Herve Leger bandage dress of shoes!

($129, Michael Kors, Amazon)

Also okay!

($775, Chloe, Intermix)

Lurves the heel detailing, but OY VA VOY, too much patent. Heidi Montag also favors these, so that'll tell you something right there:


More bad cut-out heels and shoes:

(Giuseppe Zanotti, Intermix)

More like Giuseppe Za-not-ti. OH SHIT! Like something Christina Aguilera picked up at J.Lo's garage sale. Horbs.

($925, Dior, Neiman Marcus)

These Dior heels are either tragically melded together like couture conjoined twins, or else we caught them in the act of copulation. And I didn't know shoes could have sex.

($48, Jeffrey Campbell, 6pm.com)

The exact wrong way to do animal prints. Shudder!!


Um, perhaps the less said about these horrific Pierre Hardy cut-out shoes the better.

(Apprx $120, Topshop)

It's a sandal AND a boot! Rrr... remind me why again?

(Sold out, Chloe, Saks)

That these are sold out suggests to me that there are hundreds, nay THOUSANDS of women out there with equally horbs taste. The horror!

($160, HedoFashions.com)

Thankfully there are several of these disturbing stripper shoes left in all sizes!

($47, Pleaser, Amazon)

Perhaps unsurprisingly, these are mainly available in men's sizes.

($149, John Fluevog)

Marked down from $239. Priced to move. Quickly, one would hope. Gahr.

($48, Urban Outfitters)

The paperbag as shoe! Recyclable footwear, folks!

More Quick 'Mad Men'-Inspired Fashions: Michael Kors Pencil Skirt , Sexy Dolce Vita Heels, Plus-Sized 'Mad Men' Dresses Too!

For the few of you out there who AREN'T watching Mad Men, I KNOW I need to chill on all the late-50s, early-60s-inspired Mad Men fashions, but also, on the other hand, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WAITING FOR? IT'S THE GREATEST SHOW IN THE HISTORY OF TELEVISION! FOR REAL! I've been super sick, and the one redeeming thing about that has been that at least I've been able to catch up on all of the Mad Men I've missed.

Okay, lemme back up right quick, by the way.

If you haven't seen the show, here's what you need to do. It's what I did.
1.) Buy the Season 1 DVD, Netflix it, or borrow it from a friend.
2.) Download the first few eps on iTunes = WORTH it.
3.) Watch the rest of Season 2 on on-demand; in Brooklyn and parts of Manhattan, it's on "Entertainment on Demand," channel 1012.
4.) Watch all the video extras on AMCTV.com
5.) Feel your life INSTANTLY improving!!!!

Oh yeah, there's also a Mad Men marathon on AMC starting tomorrow (Thursday, Sept 25), but it's only the first eight episodes of Season 2.

And no, I DON'T work for AMC, but I kinda almost wish I did.

Okay, onto the fashions, in petites and plus sizes too!!

($89.50, MICHAEL Michael Kors)

Is there ANYTHING more Joan Holloway than a cheetah-print pencil skirt? I think not! Also, here's how to spend almost $900 more on an almost identical skirt by the same designer.

($89.99, Dolce Vita, Piperlime)

Super sexy. Love the the curl detail.

($89, OneStopPlus.com)

Super elegant, and the dark shades and high waist makes this super Mad Men. In sizes 14 - 26.

($69, OneStopPlus.com)

Love this pleated crepe dress. AND it comes in black, purple, blue, and red, all in sizes 14-26. Check Chadwick's for the exact same pleated crepe dress in sizes 4 -18.

($79, OneStopPlus.com)

All you need's a small little patent handbag hanging over your forearm, a pillbox hat, and a three-martini lunch, and you're good! (Same dress in smaller sizes here at Chadwick's.)

+ More obsessive Mad Men fashions!

Tell Me About It, Stud: My Love Affair With Studded Flats Continues

Greetings from the couch, where I'm still parked. Two iced coffees later... I think I'm starting to sprout roots, and I'm pretty sure I gave myself scoliosis just today. That Tom Petty documentary is STILL on ("Comprehensive, revealing and epic in scope..." um... yes, it all of those things). I REALLY need a shower, FYI. SOS... Anyway, I came across these studded ballet slippers today:

($48, Capezio, Bonadrag.com)

They're cool but a little too literal and look pretty uncomfy. They did remind me of how much I love pyramid studs though, especially when they're used in unexpected ways, like with a pair of pretty pink ballet slippers.

Some more studded flats:

($425, Loeffler Randall, Active Endeavors)

Gorgeous, but I'd love them far more without the ankle strappage.

($88, Theory Shoes, Shopbop)
Sorry, but these are repulsive.


($211, Maloles, Zappos Couture)

So elegant.

($59, Jessica Simpson, ShoeMall.com)

Eeek. Cognitive dissonance issues -- cute shoes but they're Jessica Simpson! What to do? What to do?

($50, Calypso)

Cheaper, though only available in sizes 6 and 11.

($174, Kenneth Cole, Endless.com)

Not cheap, but sizes for all!

($12.99, BCOutlet.com)

Only available in size 7, but cheap!

($12.99, GoJane)

Cheapy Mccheap!

($29, Adi Misbehave, Overstock)

Lotsa colors, but the black ones are safest, don't you think?

($12.99, Go Jane)

Eek. Is it bad that I like these?

($41, Matiko, 6pm.com)

Not bad. But I don't understand the idea of the name "6pm." Anyway...

($41, Michael Kors, Overstock)

Pretty, preppy, punk-y! Only left in size 8. Yay if you're an 8, boo if you're not.

($287, Marc by Marc Jacobs, Net-a-porter.com)

I do believe these are the Marc Jacobs studded ballet flats that started it all. Brightest Young Things show you how to make your own!

($126, Marc by Marc Jacobs, Saks Fifth Avenue)

These Marc by Marc Jacobs studded flats, however, are unforgivable.


Finally, you (and by "you," I mean "I") also need some pyramid stud earrings:

($88, Wendy Nichol, Ravinstyle.com)

NEED!

($72, Argento Vivo, Bluefly)

Sophisticado.

($39, Whats That Cat, Etsy)

Etsy seller Whats That Cat has really sweet handmade pyramid stud earrings with sparklies. They're made of polymer clay and look really cool.

($20, Michelle Chang Jewelry, Etsy)

Super cuties sterling silver pyramid stud earrings from Etsy seller Michelle Chang Jewelry. Very much want!

7th On Sale: Ebay Finds!

Ooops -- was having some Blogger issues... But we're back...

Okay, so aside from Parker Posey's hot mess, Michael Stipe's flasher outfit and Kate Spade's bizzare purple pup tent (see all and more mortses here), it turns out there actually is some good stuff up for grabz on 7th On Sale's eBay sale. Most of what I think is most spesh is the shoes. I've had a bunch of stuff in my watch list, and a lot of it went for mere PENNIES on the dollar, relatively speaking, of course. Observe, won't you?

APPAREL:

(Currently $31, Twinkle By Wenlan)

Unbelievably adorable. This one's a size 4, but I think there's also a 10.

(Currently $31, Theory)

Sweet little staple. Size 6.

(Currently $112, Topshop)

One of Kate Moss' very own Topshop designs. I believe this was the dress everyone was shitting nuts over? Anyway, here it is in size 6. As always, spoon and lighter sold separately!

(Currently $55, Topshop)

Though I love this one more. GAH! I LOVE HOLIDAY PARTY DRESSES! GAH! Size 8.

(Currently $34, Halston, Topshop)

Not sure if this size 6 maxi dress is vintage Halston or what, but it's a great price, and it's never too early to start shopping for summer.

(Currently $33, Topshop)

Love this in theory, but in practice, puffy plaid may not go well with my curvy 5'2" frame, eh? It's lovely though. Probably best left to tall floggers like our Ms. Spinach!

(Currently $33, Topshop)

This jacket freaking RULES, but again, with my shortness and disproportionate chestal curves, I don't know if I could pull it off without looking like Betty Boob. Size 8.

(Currently $127, Yigal Azrouel)

The jacket's the thing here, y'all. Very cute -- black, metallic, size 4.

(Currently $8.60!!!, Topshop)

Ahhhh grey skinny jeans. The quilted Chanel bag of ... jeans. Love these. They're size 6/ 28.

(Currently $18, Loomstate)

Really cute, and they come in a few different sizes.


BAGS BAGS BAGS!

(Currently $202, Mulberry)

The Blenheim bag. Gorgeous.

(Currently $222, Michael Kors)

Apparently the one up for auction is the black version. Lovely, but I doubt I'd be willing to spend more than $200-something on it.

(Currently $185, Salvatore Ferragamo)

Beautemous color.

SHOES. OMG. SHOES:

(Currently $78, Ferragamo)

Size 7. Love the woven detailing throughout. Nice variation on sometimes-boring brown pumps. Yay!

(Currently $47, Pedro Garcia)

Apparently these are black, though they look a little purple in the photo. Regardless, these are such great holiday flats. Size 7.

(Currently $50, Jean-Michel Cazabat)

Granted, I'd fucking KILL myself in these, they're pretty amazing. More power to you if you can walk in a wedge (in wintery conditions!) and you're a size 7.

(Currently $50, Jean-Michel Cazabat)

More picture-perfect Christmasy shoes. Size 10.

(Currently $108, Giuseppe Zanotti)

Size 9. Probably my favorite of their shoe offerings.

(Currently $100, Alejandro Ingelmo)

Second faves. Size 8.

(Currently $94, Burberry)

Well hello ubiquitous Burberry studded sandals. We've seen you before. If you're the type of person to care about seasonal stuff, a.) you probably aren't reading this and b.) you probably already own these. But if you don't and you don't, now could be your chance. These are size 8.5 but they have a bunch of other sizes too. I personally love these and think they're actually pretty timeless.


SKATE:

(Currently $22, Cynthia Rowley)

Cuteness, and ONE SIZE FITS ALL!