The Highs And Very Low Lows Of Cut-Out Heels

I'm truly not the biggest fan of cut-out shoes, especially when they're not sandals; the exception, however, would be Loeffler Randall's cut-out pumps, platforms, booties, and various iterations:

($575, Loeffler Randall, Active Endeavors)

These I can basically deal with. Loeffler Randall, they seem to know what they doing!

Therefore I was glad to see these far-more-affordable knock-knock-knock-offs at Victoria's Secret:

($150, Victoria's Secret)

At those prices, it's like two Loeffler Randalls for the price of one! And I really like the grey and black onesies. They're like the Herve Leger bandage dress of shoes!

($129, Michael Kors, Amazon)

Also okay!

($775, Chloe, Intermix)

Lurves the heel detailing, but OY VA VOY, too much patent. Heidi Montag also favors these, so that'll tell you something right there:


More bad cut-out heels and shoes:

(Giuseppe Zanotti, Intermix)

More like Giuseppe Za-not-ti. OH SHIT! Like something Christina Aguilera picked up at J.Lo's garage sale. Horbs.

($925, Dior, Neiman Marcus)

These Dior heels are either tragically melded together like couture conjoined twins, or else we caught them in the act of copulation. And I didn't know shoes could have sex.

($48, Jeffrey Campbell, 6pm.com)

The exact wrong way to do animal prints. Shudder!!


Um, perhaps the less said about these horrific Pierre Hardy cut-out shoes the better.

(Apprx $120, Topshop)

It's a sandal AND a boot! Rrr... remind me why again?

(Sold out, Chloe, Saks)

That these are sold out suggests to me that there are hundreds, nay THOUSANDS of women out there with equally horbs taste. The horror!

($160, HedoFashions.com)

Thankfully there are several of these disturbing stripper shoes left in all sizes!

($47, Pleaser, Amazon)

Perhaps unsurprisingly, these are mainly available in men's sizes.

($149, John Fluevog)

Marked down from $239. Priced to move. Quickly, one would hope. Gahr.

($48, Urban Outfitters)

The paperbag as shoe! Recyclable footwear, folks!

Asos Mesh Mess

($65.10, Asos.com)

Asos attempts to redo Sarah Jessica Parker's Dior mesh heels for the masses. I think we've seen time and time again that just because SJ does doesn't mean we (or even she) should. And the wretched patent leather? Oy va voy. Just... no.

A Tale of Two, If Not Sometimes Three, Mascaras

While MKHo may not be a beauty blogger, I am a little bit of one myself. Therefore, please enjoy a completely overlong post about one of my all-time favorite beauty products, mascara! Wee!

The other day, I was celebrating the fact that it was like 7p.m. on a Tuesday or something equally as irrelevant, and I impulsively decided I REALLY DESERVED to buy myself something. (Un-)fortunately I work about 30 seconds from a Sephora.

Due to the fact that, like a magpie, I am attracted to any and all forms of shiny packaging, I swooped down on Urban Decay's Big Fatty Mascara:

($19, Urban Decay)

The wand is basically the size of a fucking toilet bowl brush. Unfortunately, this mascara completely sucks. Nothing showed up at all. I even thought I'd perhaps gotten a faulty, dried-up one. I read a review somewhere that said this mascara is good for "the natural look," and I can only imagine that refers to the look of WEARING NO MASCARA AT ALL. I took advantage of Sephora's open-arms exchange policy -- you can return anything if you're not completely satisfied, which I wasn't. So I did!

In its stead, I got Diorshow:

($24, Dior, Macys)

Ah, the redoubted Diorshow. I was sooooo ready to believe the hype. And the first few tests, it was okay (maybe I just REALLY wanted to believe) -- it definitely lengthens -- but after a few repeated uses, BOOOO Dior! WTF? J'clump!!! Definitely a lot of thick coverage, but zero separation -- it did that thing where it made major clumps at the center of my lashes and then made them look stringy-string-McStrung-out at the tips. Boo for reals.

Oh, and before I forget:
+ Free shipping over $25 at Sephora with promo code B388C2, through April 30.
+ Also, did you know you can return any and all beauty products to CVS if you're not feelin' it? It's true!

Anyway, back to the mascara:
... So, just yesterday, my sister came to visit. Every time we see each other after having not seen each other for months, we first act a'fool about how much we wuv each other. Then, we go into giddy-overdrive mode over mascara. She reminded me how much she loves CoverGirl's Lash Blash (the one that looks like a small orange sex toy), and I was so glad she did:

($6.79, CoverGirl, CVS)

Huge, right? But even more importantly, hugely effective. It's perfect on its own (after a few coats of course -- please stop kidding yourself if you think any one mascara can do it all in just one coat. Do you give your walls JUST ONE coat of paint? No. Unless you're a crappy slacker.) or as a base -- I'd also completely forgotten my own trick -- find a great separating mascara, use it as a base to hit as many individual hairs as possible that the slightly clumpier mascaras can't deal with, and then layer with a bolder mascara over that. Yeah, it's a little extra time, but so is dealing with those crappy lash brushes which never really end up working.

But, you don't have to take my word for it -- some Lash Blash reviews:
+ Makeup Alley
+ Makeup Moxie
+ Makeup Minute
+ The Makeup Girl <---- impressive before and after photo!

I also remembered how much I like MAC's Zoom Lash mascara: ($11, MAC)

A VERY thick (think mud) mascara. For $11, t'aint (hee) bad, but I don't advise it on its own -- instead, use it as a top coat over a solid separating mascara like Maybelline's Define-A-Lash, which is the Bentley Continental GT of separating but the mid-to-late '80s LeBaron of volumizing:



PS: Non-sequitur, yes, and I know I'm like the 23rd person to tell you this today, but Muxtape is awesome.
MU

Most Amazing Jewels Post, Part Deux, PLUS: Accessories + My Ongoing Love Affair With Doucette Duvall

Okay. Here's the second part of a two-part epic jewelry post, and this is the more mature companion of the duo, if I do say so.

I've been hanging onto the following links for months now, then I got busy, then I ate, then I fell asleep, repeat... suddenly... I see that effing DIOR is like peeking into my bookmarks or something because WHAT should pop up in their 2007 Fall runway show in Paris but dark, daring and dramatically oversized gems, like the ones seen above.

Fabsugar, from whence that image was copped, did a piece on getting that look for less... as in like 1/3600th less.

Here, finally, are my aforementioned picks.

($125, Kenneth Jay Lane, Maxandchloe.com)
We both picked these. Yay. I'm a geniyouse.


($35, emitations.com)
Pretty pretty for a pretty princess.


($29.99, emitations.com)
Also very pretty princess! You really can't go wrong with green jewels...if they are just $30.


($69, Palmbeachjewelry.com)
Elegant and understated.


($89, Palmbeachjewelry.com)
Decadent! Would go perfectly with this Dior gown from the Fall 2007 show...

... You know... if you simply MUST be all matchy-matchy.


This .... this I would give an ovary for. God knows... I'd gladly give an ove... until either or both opportunities arise... I'd settle for this...

($9.99, emitations.com)
Gorgeous!



($75, emitations.com)
Or these... Very holiday chic!


Or this...
($75, Kenneth Jay Lane, Shopbop.com)


Okay... some slightly less flashy pieces...
($59, Palmbeachjewelry.com)
Nice. Easy. The way things should be!


($69, Palmbeachjewelry.com)
Love these. Are they for old ladies? I guess I don't care! They're so bright and fun!



($199, Palmbeachjewelry.com)
This is seriously old-ladyish, and I love it because it reminds of this beautiful mini perfume bottle I have that was either my mom's or grandma's -- I think it's probably Avon or something (no big whoop) -- but it has a plastic pink rose stopper that looks just like that. I love it. (-- Note: anyone know WTF the perfume is? The label is long gone, and a Google search has been fruitless. Morts.)



($275, Miu Miu, Net-a-porter.com)
So, speaking of jewels, AND per my ongoing quest to find the perf jeweled flats... these are gorgeous. I may've already posted these, just like I realized I've already posted those two pink/ coral rings. Oh well.



($334, Anna Sui, Net-a-porter.com)
Speaking of Net-a-porter... this top is perfection.



So, speaking of ongoing quests, this vintage Courreges dress is up! for! auction on eBay:
(Currently $99, Courreges, eBay)
Reminds me of those creepy variety shows they used to do all the time in the '70s, where people like Karen Carpenter would come out and sing under a spotlight and then there'd be the inevitable camera trick where they match the soft focus with one single sparkle that was fabricated but they'd make it look like it came from the performer's gown or jewelry, and then they'd fade the whole thing into an unintelligible sparkle-blur effect, know what I mean? Also, whoever shot these images did a good job of capturing that creepy latently homosexual, sexually charged, coke-addled je ne sais quoi of that era. Kudos!



(Currently $49, Courreges, eBay)
More Courreges glasses. I regret not bidding on an earlier pair I posted about. They looked like these:
($49, Courreges, eBay)


($79, Helena Rubinstein, eBay)
These are also rad...


($19, Modcloth.com)
And these are super fun.


Okay... so last week I stole away to the now-defunct (wah!) Find Outlet going-outta-biz sale (wah again!). There, quietly, patiently waiting for me to discover it between the Lauren Moffatt tops and Doucette Duvall dresses was this Doucette Duvall dress:
This photo doesn't really do justice to the hilarious and awesome detail of the print, which is an old Nicole Miller silk print, and it's got wedding images all over, including a pricey bridal gown, a smiling chef, a Torah (holla!), guest list, boobie lady (the stripper, I suppose -- every good wedding's got one!) and more great images of matrimony as we know it. It was the only one in the entire joint, and it FIT me like a fucking GLOVE. I ran to the ATM and walked away with the dress for $79. I almost felt guilty -- as much as I LOOOOOVE me a good deal, I felt bad that a.) Find Outlet is no more and b.) that I was taking advantage of their misfortune for my own fashion gain (woo!) and b.5) that my long-awaited Doucette acquisition was at the expense of point b. and c.) I sorta feel obligated to pay full-price for the hard work of an indie designer. Oh well. I love this dress so much I can barely contain my joy. I couldn't find it anywhere online, so I emailed with Meredith at Doucette (hey girl!), and she informed that, per my GENIUS fashion assumption: it IS in fact an old Nicole Miller print, and it's their "Dottie" style. And it's MINE ALL MINE! I can only hope my legs look as lovely in the dress -- or at least as tan. :/

Now go buy a Doucette dress and um... pay full price...

($195, Doucette Duvall, Revolveclothing.com)



($178, Doucette Duvall, Revolveclothing.com)


($189, Doucette Duvall, Intermixonline.com)