This Buckle-Covered Ellington Leather Bag Is The Business

Buckles on boots? Well, sure! But BUCKLES ON A BAG? WHY is this not happening MORE often than like the go-round of Hayley's Comet? I mean, this buckle-covered leather bag by Ellington is really, truly the biznass.

($249, Ellington, Ellingtonhandbags.com)

Also, is it not the handbag version of the Giuseppe Zanotti for Balmain multi buckle boot?

And hey! This does too! ;)

($197, Guess, Endless.com)

Studded, Structured, Sequined Shoes For Fall!

It's time for a... Fall shoe binge! Check these selects -- studded, structured heels and booties I'd buy if you were footing the bill.

($129, Steven By Steve Madden, Piperlime)

I know. I need more studded stuff like Kanye needs more exposure. But I can't resist these fun "Stardom" flats.

($24, Pink Footwear, Lulus)

Black oxfords = So simple, so cheap, so... something I will inevitably go back and buy in a week after much pointless deliberation, so I may as well just buy them now, right?

($585, Giuseppe Zanotti, Piperlime)

I need more '80s throwback heels like Fergie needs more bronzer, but I can't resist these black suede eyelet-covered Giuseppe Zanottis.

($110, BCBG Girls, Dillards)

Uh, blue suede, cone heel, fun '80s grommets? BCBGirls "Border" heels = YES.

($49.99, alice + olivia for Payless)

Don't you love how Payless can get low, like Flo Rida style? These alice + olivia "Robertson" peep-toe jeweled boots are sluttastic in the BEST POSSIBLE WAY. Next stop? Bootswitdafur!

($26.99, Payless)

Black lacquer heels at PAYLESS? Girl, you is NASTY!

($26.99, Payless)

Payless, girl, you are BAAAAAAAAD! And it feels GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!

Giuseppe Zanotti, What Hath Thou Done???

($1109.83, Giuseppe Zanotti, Colette)

No. Sorry, Giuseppe Zanotti. This is like some Pebbles and Bam Bam meets Priscilla Queen of the Desert shit meets a tragic shearing scissor mishap. And you do not get to do that.

Saturday Sale! Aloha Rag

NYers, check out Aloha Rag's sample sale. It's today --

When: Saturday, May 30th.
Where: 505 Greenwich between Spring & Canal
What: 40 - 70% women's and men's -- Alexander Wang, Repetto (!!!), 3.1 Phillip Lim, Giuseppe Zanotti, Martin Margiela, etc. What?

Steve Madden Revenu Shooties!

($129.95, Steve Madden, Nordstrom)

'Sup, stud? True, these Steve Madden Revenu heels are CRAZY high, but I like the gradient effect and the possible homage to studded heels past by, I'm guessing, Giuseppe Zanotti, Fendi, or Balmain. WANTS!

Who Was Drunk On The Job At Giuseppe Zanotti?

($854, Giuseppe Zanotti, Zappos Couture)

Christ in a cupboard. Aren't these just the perfect portrait of subtle serenity? Like a swan on a placid fucking lake.

Even the description of this shitstorm of a shoe is a runway train of excess: "Iridescent metallic leather upper with a patent lip detail on the heel quarter and a croc print patent strap on the vamp."

Also, there's a jeweled buckle. If you hadn't noticed.

Less horrible but also questionable:

($132 USD, Office.co.uk)

Eeeesh. Of course, after that Giuseppe Zanotti farrago, anything looks decent.

($124, Office.co.uk)

Or, instead of buying this obscenely overreaching, potentially crippingly AND tacky wooden wedge heel, you could save your money and just split a log in half, hollow it out, and stick your foot inside. Voilà! Free shoes!

The Highs And Very Low Lows Of Cut-Out Heels

I'm truly not the biggest fan of cut-out shoes, especially when they're not sandals; the exception, however, would be Loeffler Randall's cut-out pumps, platforms, booties, and various iterations:

($575, Loeffler Randall, Active Endeavors)

These I can basically deal with. Loeffler Randall, they seem to know what they doing!

Therefore I was glad to see these far-more-affordable knock-knock-knock-offs at Victoria's Secret:

($150, Victoria's Secret)

At those prices, it's like two Loeffler Randalls for the price of one! And I really like the grey and black onesies. They're like the Herve Leger bandage dress of shoes!

($129, Michael Kors, Amazon)

Also okay!

($775, Chloe, Intermix)

Lurves the heel detailing, but OY VA VOY, too much patent. Heidi Montag also favors these, so that'll tell you something right there:


More bad cut-out heels and shoes:

(Giuseppe Zanotti, Intermix)

More like Giuseppe Za-not-ti. OH SHIT! Like something Christina Aguilera picked up at J.Lo's garage sale. Horbs.

($925, Dior, Neiman Marcus)

These Dior heels are either tragically melded together like couture conjoined twins, or else we caught them in the act of copulation. And I didn't know shoes could have sex.

($48, Jeffrey Campbell, 6pm.com)

The exact wrong way to do animal prints. Shudder!!


Um, perhaps the less said about these horrific Pierre Hardy cut-out shoes the better.

(Apprx $120, Topshop)

It's a sandal AND a boot! Rrr... remind me why again?

(Sold out, Chloe, Saks)

That these are sold out suggests to me that there are hundreds, nay THOUSANDS of women out there with equally horbs taste. The horror!

($160, HedoFashions.com)

Thankfully there are several of these disturbing stripper shoes left in all sizes!

($47, Pleaser, Amazon)

Perhaps unsurprisingly, these are mainly available in men's sizes.

($149, John Fluevog)

Marked down from $239. Priced to move. Quickly, one would hope. Gahr.

($48, Urban Outfitters)

The paperbag as shoe! Recyclable footwear, folks!

7th On Sale: Ebay Finds!

Ooops -- was having some Blogger issues... But we're back...

Okay, so aside from Parker Posey's hot mess, Michael Stipe's flasher outfit and Kate Spade's bizzare purple pup tent (see all and more mortses here), it turns out there actually is some good stuff up for grabz on 7th On Sale's eBay sale. Most of what I think is most spesh is the shoes. I've had a bunch of stuff in my watch list, and a lot of it went for mere PENNIES on the dollar, relatively speaking, of course. Observe, won't you?

APPAREL:

(Currently $31, Twinkle By Wenlan)

Unbelievably adorable. This one's a size 4, but I think there's also a 10.

(Currently $31, Theory)

Sweet little staple. Size 6.

(Currently $112, Topshop)

One of Kate Moss' very own Topshop designs. I believe this was the dress everyone was shitting nuts over? Anyway, here it is in size 6. As always, spoon and lighter sold separately!

(Currently $55, Topshop)

Though I love this one more. GAH! I LOVE HOLIDAY PARTY DRESSES! GAH! Size 8.

(Currently $34, Halston, Topshop)

Not sure if this size 6 maxi dress is vintage Halston or what, but it's a great price, and it's never too early to start shopping for summer.

(Currently $33, Topshop)

Love this in theory, but in practice, puffy plaid may not go well with my curvy 5'2" frame, eh? It's lovely though. Probably best left to tall floggers like our Ms. Spinach!

(Currently $33, Topshop)

This jacket freaking RULES, but again, with my shortness and disproportionate chestal curves, I don't know if I could pull it off without looking like Betty Boob. Size 8.

(Currently $127, Yigal Azrouel)

The jacket's the thing here, y'all. Very cute -- black, metallic, size 4.

(Currently $8.60!!!, Topshop)

Ahhhh grey skinny jeans. The quilted Chanel bag of ... jeans. Love these. They're size 6/ 28.

(Currently $18, Loomstate)

Really cute, and they come in a few different sizes.


BAGS BAGS BAGS!

(Currently $202, Mulberry)

The Blenheim bag. Gorgeous.

(Currently $222, Michael Kors)

Apparently the one up for auction is the black version. Lovely, but I doubt I'd be willing to spend more than $200-something on it.

(Currently $185, Salvatore Ferragamo)

Beautemous color.

SHOES. OMG. SHOES:

(Currently $78, Ferragamo)

Size 7. Love the woven detailing throughout. Nice variation on sometimes-boring brown pumps. Yay!

(Currently $47, Pedro Garcia)

Apparently these are black, though they look a little purple in the photo. Regardless, these are such great holiday flats. Size 7.

(Currently $50, Jean-Michel Cazabat)

Granted, I'd fucking KILL myself in these, they're pretty amazing. More power to you if you can walk in a wedge (in wintery conditions!) and you're a size 7.

(Currently $50, Jean-Michel Cazabat)

More picture-perfect Christmasy shoes. Size 10.

(Currently $108, Giuseppe Zanotti)

Size 9. Probably my favorite of their shoe offerings.

(Currently $100, Alejandro Ingelmo)

Second faves. Size 8.

(Currently $94, Burberry)

Well hello ubiquitous Burberry studded sandals. We've seen you before. If you're the type of person to care about seasonal stuff, a.) you probably aren't reading this and b.) you probably already own these. But if you don't and you don't, now could be your chance. These are size 8.5 but they have a bunch of other sizes too. I personally love these and think they're actually pretty timeless.


SKATE:

(Currently $22, Cynthia Rowley)

Cuteness, and ONE SIZE FITS ALL!